Saturday, January 15, 2011

So I thought she was a transsexual...

So funny story...

I was out at a popular watering hole near West Hollywood last weekend with a friend, and you know, West Hollywood -- "WeHo" as we locals like to call it, is known for being the "gay" part of town. Similar to Castro street in San Francisco. Now, the WHOLE area of what is known as West Hollywood isn't all gay of course, it's simply a section of the city. I'll get to my point, this is just some well needed background. Anyways, the bar was Bar Lubitsch. A regular bar mind you, and also one of my newly favorite bars to hang out at. Really cool front area bar, and a really tightly packed dance area in the back. Me and my friend Pat were hanging out in the back having a conversation by the bar.

Pat got into a conversation with a buxom blonde standing by the bar, and I noticed a very attractive brunette several feet away that kept looking in my direction. A few seconds later, she made eye contact and she sauntered on over to me. I was facing the dance floor, and I kept facing the dance floor even as she walked up next to me facing the bar. Obviously she was waiting for me to "notice". I gave her a hard time by pretending not to. Then she lightly bumps my arm for my attention and says one of the most dumb, but at times common things girls say to guys at bars/clubs: "Hi, will you buy me a Jack and Coke?" --[Pause]-- Now first of all, there are TONS of suckers out there that will turn around with an enthusiastic, "YES. YES I WILL. WOW, HI, I'M ______, AND I'M BEING USED, BUT IT'S OKAY. I'LL TAKE WHATEVER ATTENTION I CAN GET." But I'm not one of them. I'm not a moron. I also, know how to play the game a bit. Game on.
--[Unpause]-- I turned with a slight frown on my face like it's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard (because it is) and said, "No. I'm not a sucker." She turned away a bit flabbergasted. She's probably not used to the rejection. I waited a moment to let my words simmer and then turned to her and said, "I like your hair though -- Is it real?" A slight backhanded compliment always goes a long way with girls such as herself. In my eyes, she sort of deserved the knock since she thought I was some dude she could take advantage of for a free drink. It's only fair right? She turned back to me with mouth slightly agape, and with a slightly surprised/embarrassed smile on her face. It totally got her self analyzing. Her right hand shot up pretty quick to her hair too. She brushed it a little bit, and then said, "Uhh... Yeah, it's real. Of course -- I mean..." I said, "Oh, cool. It looks good. You know, a lot of girls I see with lots of done-up hair like you usually have extensions or something. Good to know you're all-natural". I shot her my smile. She turned to face me, twirled some hair in her right hand and extended it to me to feel "Here, feel". I took it, tugged on it a bit and shot her a satisfied look and said, "I believe you." I gave her my smile again. Her eyes melted a bit. Then I find out she was tipsy when she leaned in to start a conversation and I guess, attempted to impress me with her occupation. This is exactly what I heard: "I'm an event coordinatorer for the Circussss club down the streeeet. I run their gay night and transss night."
The last bit caught my attention. Did she say trans night? Is that lingo for transsexual? Gay night... transsexual night... makes sense right? So I responded plainly, "Oh cool". Then bam, she got pulled back into a group of her "girl" friends. Everyone was suspect now. I turned to Pat and said, "I think I just met a transsexual" He laughed. I continued, "But dude, seriously, it's hard to believe that's a dude. Look at her, I mean him..." We looked. Then we both laughed, really hard. I always like meeting interesting people. THEN SUDDENLY She/He is back, and in my ear. "What's your nameeeeee?" "Brent." "Hiiii Brent". Handshake. Wasn't a manly handshake, cool. "I'm Muhhlissaa" Sure it is. Then she started to get really flirty and pinch my cheeks, and tickled my chin. Then suddenly, she leaned in to my right ear and said, "So, I'm an event coordinatorer fuhr the Circussss club down the streeeet. I run their gay night and tranzzz night." She told me the same thing. She must've been way drunk. So my opportunity to clarify the trans night part came up and I took it. I didn't want to offend her so I treaded lightly with my demeanor and asked, "So... are you a -- transss...?" She/He paused and responded jubilantly, "Yeah, I run the electro-trance night! It's really fun! I just dance all night! You should come one night!"

OHH... She was saying TRANCE, but slurring her words a ton because she was drunk and made it sound like "Transsszzz". Oh I get it. Cool. I'm going to put this in a script.

Oh yeah, and as always, I of course have no problems with anyone that is gay/transgendered, etc. If she was, I still would've had a conversation. Interesting people are interesting.


Sandra-Isabell said...

Dear Brent, thank you for this post which led me to a personal resolution. See, I'm transidentified myself, being in the middle of transition, and the ordeal of being mistaken for the wrong gender will hopefully end soon. It is interesting what happens in the minds of people when they hear someone's a transgender, isn't it? Suddenly the person -- in your case a real, true, biological woman -- is under close scrutiny and possibly deemed a former man. Her name is Melissa? Yea riiiight... Her handshake? Ok, that didn't feel male. But I can't believe I just met a transsexual! Should I call him/her a he/she? Actually it's quite an ordeal having to live like that, dear Brent. Being on trial, being tested all the time. My personal resolution because of your blog entry (and countless experiences of my own) is to never utter a word about me being transidentified and to introduce myself as merely a woman. Everything else, as nice as the person might be, leads to interesting convolutions in the mind. Having been born in the wrong body is a very special kind of hell, and I hope it's all over soon. I wish you luck in your screenwriting efforts, Brent. I did screenplays myself -- in Germany, not in Hollywood ;) Best wishes from Germany -- Sandra-Isabell

Jill said...

Strange pick up line for sure! I'd never ask a guy to buy me a drink! Kinda rude

KittyCat said...

SOunds like you had a very interesting night in deed.

Love thos kinds of nights out at the bar.

: )

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

Oh man, she wanted you. I mean, she kept talking to you after you wouldn't buy her a drink. Then again, maybe she really wanted a drink.

I've never opened with that line, ever. Yay me.

Brent said...

@Sandra-Isabell - Thanks for the well wishes, I hope all goes well with you too. The way I wrote my post, even if all the events were true, I wrote it to be humorous. But I'm glad it helped you.

@Jill - Haha, I thought so too. But certain girls out here in LA tend to get away with that kind of stuff.

@Kitty - It was definitely interesting. Made me wonder "What if..." for a few minutes too haha

@RoxAndLorraine - Hahha. After this happened, I should've gone back and got her number. But the whole "buy me a drink" opener was a turn off. It definitely works on certain guys though. And yes, Yay you. Thumbs up for integrity!