I'll be honest.
Thursday night, I went to record Morrownow's last band practice on video before they head to the recording studio today and tomorrow to record their 3-song EP/demo. After their practice, no one could make it out even though we planned to grab a drink after. One of them could make it though. I'm not going to mention specifically who because of what I want to talk about.
Lately as you know, or maybe it's not even just lately -- maybe it's more like, the early 20's. My early 20's. I'm 23 and I've found myself thinking a TON about my future. Of course, there's the usual ramblings of aspirations and goals, but then there comes that real visceral sensation of wanting something else. More like someone. I've never been in a long term relationship. It sounds odd at first for most people, and it's understandable. If I think about it objectively, it is strange to have gone this long, being a "normal" person that I am, to not have been in a long term relationship, a.k.a. a girlfriend. To be honest, it doesn't bother me. I never even notice it. Of course there are those lonely nights I notice where I wish there was someone there. Those moments where you wish there was someone to spend it with. Normal. But those times are short and forgettable. My friend and I got into a conversation about it. He's recently been in a new relationship -- the best one he's ever been in. I know him well, and there's been quite a few situations where he's been racked with loneliness. Not that he's weak in anyway, just that he was eventually beaten down by the history of the relationships he's been in. But he didn't give up, he just realized he shouldn't let himself be defined by the women he's involved with or that are in his life. Here are some song lyrics I found that defined my friend's predicament:
So the boy was cast out of Eden again.
Left by himself again.
Cursing the gods again.
Deciding for once he was enough.
He built his own world and became a man.
It's actually a Morrownow song. I know, I'm a pretty good band manager to know the lyrics. They're lucky to have me! lol. Well, I feel like I haven't come to the conclusion the person in the lyrics did as of yet. Or maybe just a tiny bit. Because I am comfortable with who I am as a person, and I don't need someone. But of course, I'd prefer to have someone. I feel like I'm on the edge though. Let's talk about why I haven't had a girlfriend for this long. Don't get me wrong either, I've had my flings. I just really... didn't meet anyone that sparked my interest that way. No one really came along, and the few that have, I've never gotten that moment where I said, "Wow. I need her in my life." I have imagined myself being that guy. No, not "that guy" in popular pictures where a random creepy looking guy is in the background of people's pictures, but that guy out there that's in his 30's-50's (of prime relationship/marriage age) that just... happened to stay single the whole time. That bachelor that you always wondered, "I wonder how he's still single at his age". I imagine sometimes that I'd be that guy living in the Lake Tahoe, CA area maybe. You know, with the truck, lumberjack jacket, his trusty Golden Retriever at his side, trusty shotgun (just kiddin'), living alone in a cabin, and snowboards all winter in the local resorts. That is, of course if I'm still single at that age. In fact, I think that's what will happen if I reach that age and have had my successes in film, and I still lack a significant other, I'd bundle all my money up and get a cabin in Lake Tahoe and live out 2/4 seasons there. But I doubt I'll be that guy, but who knows. It sure seems like it at the moment.
Here's a video of my band, Morrownow at Thursday night's practice. The sound quality is pretty rough because it was in a practice studio room (tiny) and it was recorded on the video camera. It's still worth a look I think, you can still make out the guitar melodies and music. Even with the bad sound quality, tell me what you think of the band/music, and feel free to be honest! It's a song called "Siren", one out of the three they are recording. They're hitting the recording studio today, Saturday the 30th and tomorrow too. Free demos for all my blog followers?! I think SO! Let me know if you want one!