Saturday, January 30, 2010

Is the best policy...

I'll be honest.

Thursday night, I went to record Morrownow's last band practice on video before they head to the recording studio today and tomorrow to record their 3-song EP/demo. After their practice, no one could make it out even though we planned to grab a drink after. One of them could make it though. I'm not going to mention specifically who because of what I want to talk about.

Lately as you know, or maybe it's not even just lately -- maybe it's more like, the early 20's. My early 20's. I'm 23 and I've found myself thinking a TON about my future. Of course, there's the usual ramblings of aspirations and goals, but then there comes that real visceral sensation of wanting something else. More like someone. I've never been in a long term relationship. It sounds odd at first for most people, and it's understandable. If I think about it objectively, it is strange to have gone this long, being a "normal" person that I am, to not have been in a long term relationship, a.k.a. a girlfriend. To be honest, it doesn't bother me. I never even notice it. Of course there are those lonely nights I notice where I wish there was someone there. Those moments where you wish there was someone to spend it with. Normal. But those times are short and forgettable. My friend and I got into a conversation about it. He's recently been in a new relationship -- the best one he's ever been in. I know him well, and there's been quite a few situations where he's been racked with loneliness. Not that he's weak in anyway, just that he was eventually beaten down by the history of the relationships he's been in. But he didn't give up, he just realized he shouldn't let himself be defined by the women he's involved with or that are in his life. Here are some song lyrics I found that defined my friend's predicament:

So the boy was cast out of Eden again.
Left by himself again.
Cursing the gods again.
Deciding for once he was enough.
He built his own world and became a man.

It's actually a Morrownow song. I know, I'm a pretty good band manager to know the lyrics. They're lucky to have me! lol. Well, I feel like I haven't come to the conclusion the person in the lyrics did as of yet. Or maybe just a tiny bit. Because I am comfortable with who I am as a person, and I don't need someone. But of course, I'd prefer to have someone. I feel like I'm on the edge though. Let's talk about why I haven't had a girlfriend for this long. Don't get me wrong either, I've had my flings. I just really... didn't meet anyone that sparked my interest that way. No one really came along, and the few that have, I've never gotten that moment where I said, "Wow. I need her in my life." I have imagined myself being that guy. No, not "that guy" in popular pictures where a random creepy looking guy is in the background of people's pictures, but that guy out there that's in his 30's-50's (of prime relationship/marriage age) that just... happened to stay single the whole time. That bachelor that you always wondered, "I wonder how he's still single at his age". I imagine sometimes that I'd be that guy living in the Lake Tahoe, CA area maybe. You know, with the truck, lumberjack jacket, his trusty Golden Retriever at his side, trusty shotgun (just kiddin'), living alone in a cabin, and snowboards all winter in the local resorts. That is, of course if I'm still single at that age. In fact, I think that's what will happen if I reach that age and have had my successes in film, and I still lack a significant other, I'd bundle all my money up and get a cabin in Lake Tahoe and live out 2/4 seasons there. But I doubt I'll be that guy, but who knows. It sure seems like it at the moment.


Here's a video of my band, Morrownow at Thursday night's practice. The sound quality is pretty rough because it was in a practice studio room (tiny) and it was recorded on the video camera. It's still worth a look I think, you can still make out the guitar melodies and music. Even with the bad sound quality, tell me what you think of the band/music, and feel free to be honest! It's a song called "Siren", one out of the three they are recording. They're hitting the recording studio today, Saturday the 30th and tomorrow too. Free demos for all my blog followers?! I think SO! Let me know if you want one!

1/28/10 Practice before Demo Recording from Morrownow on Vimeo.


Jeanette said...

Here come the comments:

1) You already know my thoughts on the video and how I want an EP :)

2) We've talked about how I am also in the same boat, no long relationships that is, we've discussed this not settling. I think one of the reasons I've never been in a long relationship is because when I get in a situation like your J situation, and I don't get that immediate feeling then I stop hanging out with them in that way. All the adults I've talked with have said they've "known" the first time they met their significant other, whether or not they're lying is up for discussion, but I like to think they're not.

As far as your not settling I know you have your head in the right place there. I guess for me if the first couple dates aren't just incredibly easy and awesome (albeit a little awkward) then the convos and having fun aren't going to get any easier as time goes on, especially if a long term things starts.

3) Holy comment, I'll just end by saying if you live in a cabin you WILL own a shotgun, that I will teach you how to use :)

Yoel Engel said...

I just wrote a song about love for my girlfriend and I thought I would find lyrics on your blog so that I can compare my song :P but anyhoo... you're blog is wayy nicer than mine that's for sure! If you have the extra 3 minutes to listen to the song I wrote that's on youtube, click here Girlfriend Love Songs and dont forget to rate and comment the song! :) thanx SOOOOOO much! :D

Aquiles Damiron-Alcantara said...

Hey man,

I can definitely see where you are coming from. I am 20 and my longest relationship lasted about eight months. I have been walking around life pretty much with no girl companion ever since—even though I have had a few summer things here and there. However, my best friend from high school, who is absolutely gorgeous, smart, and independent has always been in the picture.

We have currently reached the point where we are mature enough to try a real relationship. And that’s the road on which I currently walk. My best friend of seven years has become my dating mate and perhaps my first potential long relationship.

But do I want a long term relationship at this point of my life? Do I really want to settle? She makes me want to…but I do not think any of us want to settle that much yet. We both want to accompany each other in this phase of our journeys, but do not want to seclude each other from the world.

Having someone special to share our adventures with is always nice, but having someone to share our entire life with does not seem like the best option at this point.

P.S. I like the melody of the song. I can’t really understand the lyrics due to the quality of the sound.

Nice thought-provoking post.

Con aprecio,

The Trav monster said...

Hey Brent!

Good article yet again. I know the feelings you're going through man. And, like you, I have high hopes for you and J. Just don't be afraid to take the leap so-to-speak. I think I've always gained something from the relationships I've been in, and importantly have gained insight to what I value in a partner. More or less, she has to be like you but female. Lol!!!
Don't be afraid to make a mistake too! Worst case is that you'll have to make a change. In fact, today I quit my futbol team because I found it to be a bad fit for me (not enough playing time, the coach tactically inept, etc). I guess this is what they mean when they say 'endings are just new beginnings' because you take things from experience and build on them! Anyway, I'm sure things will work out. All the best!

Brent said...

@ Jeanette:
1. I do! You'll get one fosho
2. Yep. I agree for the most part. Sometimes though I feel we may miss certain experiences or relationships we should have along the way. I myself know I'm not going to just sit and wait around for "The One". Just got to go with the flow and live life in the meantime, and if that means spending enjoyable time with someone I get along with, I'm totally fine with that. I'm going to try not to over think things from now on basically.
3. Definitely. Although I know how to use one already, you've gotta teach me some mid-North style of shootin'.

@ Travis:
Sup buddy! Thanks for the advice and insight as always. I feel the same way. Mistakes can be made, and I've thought for a while of how I would "waste" time if I was in some relationship that wouldn't last. But I'm over thinking and dooming it already. I'm just going to go with the flow and see if J works out.