Saturday, January 30, 2010

Is the best policy...

I'll be honest.

Thursday night, I went to record Morrownow's last band practice on video before they head to the recording studio today and tomorrow to record their 3-song EP/demo. After their practice, no one could make it out even though we planned to grab a drink after. One of them could make it though. I'm not going to mention specifically who because of what I want to talk about.

Lately as you know, or maybe it's not even just lately -- maybe it's more like, the early 20's. My early 20's. I'm 23 and I've found myself thinking a TON about my future. Of course, there's the usual ramblings of aspirations and goals, but then there comes that real visceral sensation of wanting something else. More like someone. I've never been in a long term relationship. It sounds odd at first for most people, and it's understandable. If I think about it objectively, it is strange to have gone this long, being a "normal" person that I am, to not have been in a long term relationship, a.k.a. a girlfriend. To be honest, it doesn't bother me. I never even notice it. Of course there are those lonely nights I notice where I wish there was someone there. Those moments where you wish there was someone to spend it with. Normal. But those times are short and forgettable. My friend and I got into a conversation about it. He's recently been in a new relationship -- the best one he's ever been in. I know him well, and there's been quite a few situations where he's been racked with loneliness. Not that he's weak in anyway, just that he was eventually beaten down by the history of the relationships he's been in. But he didn't give up, he just realized he shouldn't let himself be defined by the women he's involved with or that are in his life. Here are some song lyrics I found that defined my friend's predicament:

So the boy was cast out of Eden again.
Left by himself again.
Cursing the gods again.
Deciding for once he was enough.
He built his own world and became a man.

It's actually a Morrownow song. I know, I'm a pretty good band manager to know the lyrics. They're lucky to have me! lol. Well, I feel like I haven't come to the conclusion the person in the lyrics did as of yet. Or maybe just a tiny bit. Because I am comfortable with who I am as a person, and I don't need someone. But of course, I'd prefer to have someone. I feel like I'm on the edge though. Let's talk about why I haven't had a girlfriend for this long. Don't get me wrong either, I've had my flings. I just really... didn't meet anyone that sparked my interest that way. No one really came along, and the few that have, I've never gotten that moment where I said, "Wow. I need her in my life." I have imagined myself being that guy. No, not "that guy" in popular pictures where a random creepy looking guy is in the background of people's pictures, but that guy out there that's in his 30's-50's (of prime relationship/marriage age) that just... happened to stay single the whole time. That bachelor that you always wondered, "I wonder how he's still single at his age". I imagine sometimes that I'd be that guy living in the Lake Tahoe, CA area maybe. You know, with the truck, lumberjack jacket, his trusty Golden Retriever at his side, trusty shotgun (just kiddin'), living alone in a cabin, and snowboards all winter in the local resorts. That is, of course if I'm still single at that age. In fact, I think that's what will happen if I reach that age and have had my successes in film, and I still lack a significant other, I'd bundle all my money up and get a cabin in Lake Tahoe and live out 2/4 seasons there. But I doubt I'll be that guy, but who knows. It sure seems like it at the moment.


Here's a video of my band, Morrownow at Thursday night's practice. The sound quality is pretty rough because it was in a practice studio room (tiny) and it was recorded on the video camera. It's still worth a look I think, you can still make out the guitar melodies and music. Even with the bad sound quality, tell me what you think of the band/music, and feel free to be honest! It's a song called "Siren", one out of the three they are recording. They're hitting the recording studio today, Saturday the 30th and tomorrow too. Free demos for all my blog followers?! I think SO! Let me know if you want one!

1/28/10 Practice before Demo Recording from Morrownow on Vimeo.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Fears and rain + 1st Sample "Daniel" story...


Hey all,

Hope you guys are having a good week. I've had an "okay" week. Los Angeles is pouring. It's been rainstorm after rainstorm consistently for the past week! Certain neighborhoods are flooding and the hill people are experiencing mudslides. No biggie though. Whenever we do get extreme weather here, it's just something that goes on in the background amongst the hustle of big city life. People continue to strive towards their own pursuit of happiness. All the rain means to me is a free car wash, and fresh snow in the ski resorts. I love it. The local mountains have about 5-7 feet of fresh POWDER snow. I planned to go the past two days, including today, but haven't been able to because of not so ideal weather conditions. Apparently the local resorts are experiencing 50-70 mile an hour winds with "blizzard-like" conditions. So, it wouldn't be so fun. I'm sure I'm going tomorrow though. The storms are supposed to pass by tomorrow night, and I want to try to get some pow turns in.

Picture of some lucky dude that lives locally near the resort (Cue song: "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms):

The Road Ahead...

Hmm. The road to life. Like I said above, it's mostly about people striving for their own pursuit of happiness. Nothing else matters to some, and you can get away with that way of living and thinking in our society today. It breeds us all to get materialistic. But what I have just come to notice lately, not that I never knew before, there are people that are completely content with just getting by. There's nothing wrong with that either. They're content with providing for their families, and having "just enough", and it's noble. I'm not trying to knock it, but to me, life gives the opportunity for so much more in my eyes. There should be ambition, there should be roads less taken, that should be... taken more. I'm not trying to describe myself, but I just noticed the lack of "bigger things/goals" in other people's lives ltely. Girl "J" for example. Maybe it's from the lack of thorough, and semi-deep conversations we've had, but when I ask of what she wants to do in life, or of her ambitions, she sticks with the "I don't knows". And to me, I'm attracted to driven, focused, ambitious, strong women. We'll see what happens with her. That brings me to the meat of what's been going on in my head:

I've come across another crossroad, that just emphasizes how big of a crossroad the one I was at previously was. lol. I pretty much took away from the previous one about a month or so ago, that I have to get started on my dreams and goals. This most recent crossroads just reiterated that point. I HAVE TO INITIATE. As I was doing one of my daily rituals and reading Men's Health magazine, I came across their listing of "Wishlist" products. You know a list of Cars, electronics, clothes, houses, and etc. I looked through them and thought to myself, "One day, I'll be able to get that." And then the immediate thought following was, "Where is this confidence coming from?" Because it's true, I have this subtle sense of confidence lurking in the background of whatever it is I do. I am well aware of capabilities, and I'm not being delusional, but it really makes me think of my future. I have all these dreams and ambitions of being successful, and it feels so close. I see all these things I want, and I feel they are actually accessible, attainable, and I don't know why I have so much confidence in that. It feels like some destiny, and I don't know what to make of it.
BUT, there are times I feel a sense of urgency and panic like, "You need to do it now! It's getting too late!" Like the Universe is yelling at me. It's like spurts of sudden desperation, and it's un-easing as hell. What the hell am I supposed to make of it? I agree with the stars though, there is an underlying urgency. The days, minutes, and seconds are flying by and I should buckle down and take advantage of every one. I think the pursuit of happiness (defined by ourselves) is the driving force in our lives. Mine is to succeed in telling people stories. Happiness to me is NOT money. But Happiness to me is being able to live freely, unbound by restrictions such as the lack of money. I want to do things, go places, all as I please and to my heart's content. That way, the only thing we fight against in our lives is Time. Ambition, get some.

Here's a chunk of a story I'm working on. I don't know if it's going to just be a short yet, but I'm writing it as I would a novel. It's only a couple of days old and it's not finished in the least. It's completely unedited.:

The beaten and weathered white pickup truck trudged to a squeaky stop on 6th street. The sound of rushing air through the crack of the window slowly silenced and were replaced by the sounds of MacArthur Park. The old man's cracked, sun-baked, farm hands released their grip on the steering wheel and worked the truck's gears. He didn't want to wake the sleeping young man, a mere boy in his eyes, in the passenger seat. Instead, he sat quietly and waited. He fixated his old eyes onto his own worn hands. In his years of experience, life ran by for many, but it walked by slowly for people like him. People who had to live day by day, for the next day. There was nothing else. Nothing but providing for the next day. He had lived his years working, striving to survive and provide for his own. He wasn't sure he succeeded either. After all these years of providing for the next generation, it suddenly felt futile to him as he looked over at the boy in the seat next to him. The silent camaraderie between them reverberated as the old man thought, "This boy. Will struggle."

Due to the sudden calmness, the young man awoke in the surreal, in between dreams. Besides the fog in his mind his conscience fought through, his whole situation was surreal to him. His goal, motivations, everything; was in between dreams.

The sweat from his brow dripped, salting his lips. He opened his eyes, feeling the sickly warmth of the sun and the sweaty shirt that stuck to him. He must've slept all the way from San Diego. He needed it. He looked over to the old man who was staring at his hands. Daniel spoke, "Thank you for the ride." (In Spanish). The old man looked up and nodded. Daniel had made it. He was now in Los Angeles, to try to do what many try to do.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


...well, with the down-time I had, it gave me some perspective. Even though J seems great and all, I really want to be careful and go slow. I can't "settle". Settle as in, letting myself fall for someone that's not very "right" for me. Why? Because honestly, I'm in a stage at the moment where I'm lonely. Not a depressed-lonely, No. Just the regular lonely. All my friends at the moment are in relationships, and you know -- I'm at that age and stage of my life where I also want to be with someone. Someone to lean on, relate to, and just to experience that warm, toasty feeling in the chest that you get when someone you care about is there with you. To share the moments and time together with. Another warm body. Someone that leaves their fingerprints on your heart. (That last bit about the fingerprints comes from the lyrics of a Morrownow song called, "Fingerprints" on the "Courting a Fall" album on iTunes... by the way. lol. For real though! Not shameless plugging! I swears it.) I've never had any long-term relationships really, so it'd be a nice change. I'm just going to take it as slow as possible. 'Tis all.

Morrownow Update:
So there's been a lot of progress with the band this past month. Well, we had those two photoshoots done during the month of December, and we got our finished and edited photos from the 1st shoot back. The 2nd is taking a little longer than expected, but it should be pretty awesome. The 1st ones came out great though. I edited a short video of the shoot that includes some of the photos in the video, and some pretty hilarious moments that happened within. Be sure to give the video a watch, and tell me what you think. Feedback on any work I do is you know -- awesome. They're planning to record their first EP album of 3 songs at the end of this month on the 30th, and 31st. It takes about a week of turn around -- to edit the music and put it through production. After that, I'll be finding the guys their very first gigs to play in February. No doubt I'll film that and cut it into video also. Exciting times to come! It feels great to be part of something with my best friends, developing, and progressing as a group in something like the music business. I'll keep you guys posted here for sure, but take a look at the Morrownow Blog too when you get a chance at:

Have a great week everyone! It's apparently going to rain here in Los Angeles all week, so I have no doubt I'll be snowboarding sometime this week.

Photoshoot with Ryan Guzdzial 12.1.09 from Morrownow on Vimeo.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The New Year...

The New Year. Wow, we're in the double digits now. It doesn't seem that long ago where I thought it was cool that I was graduating from middle school in the year 2000. Everyone sees this as a fresh start and that's great, but I'm also taking a new notice of things I haven't accomplished in the past year. They're basically all getting copied and pasted onto the list of things to do for 2010. Typing out "2010" is weird. Most of the time, my New Year's Resolutions is just a list of things to accomplish in life, and not just for the year ahead. But the way I'm thinking of it is to actually try to get a start on, and maybe even accomplish them all this year. I mean it's do-able. Depending on your list. My Oscar for best screenplay might have to wait a bit. That may be the only thing on the list where I can say, "Oh, I can do that 10 years from now". And that's getting lucky. Way lucky if I do...
(Um. I literally just forgot how old I was right now. I'm 23, but I thought for a good few seconds that I was 24. How weird is that?)

Strangely motivating isn't it? And funny. I think it'd be funnier if they put a " ! " at the end of where it says, "'re going to die". Without an exclamation point, it seems sort of dark and emo. The power of grammatical symbols!

I talk quite a bit about writing, and I know I haven't posted many samples. I wouldn't really even call them samples either. They're just "writings". But I'm working on a few things right now that I feel confident enough in to show soon. In the meantime, I feel like I have to read for myself, and tell of WHY I like to write. WHY I would like to write for film.

Film is amazing to me. From a societal aspect, media is practically a staple. Film has been that staple for most of the era of mass media. During times of war, and other difficult times, people would flock to the theaters to be informed, and entertained, for a good couple of hours. That's a huge chunk of someone's day if you think about it. To be engaged and dedicated to a character's predicament, their journey, and finally their resolution for two whole hours? Completely forgetting about your own life? Living vicariously through a fictional character's? Cool. I think that's really cool. Writing for all these people hoping to be entertained and intrigued, gives me the ability to tell a story I come up with, and how I want it to be told. That's a cool ability. I can make the audience feel, I can trigger emotions, and most intriguing of all, I can show them meanings and messages. Undoubtedly what we see in films influence us. Think "Schindler's List". And of course it's not to attempt to feel some kind of godly power, No. It's about being able to tell a story and have the audience engage and feel something visceral from what they're watching. It's the best part of story telling.