Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry Christmas 2009...

Hey, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone.

There are a lot of things that go through my head when the end of the year comes around. I typically think of all the things I did or accomplished, and want to feel satisfied with how I spent the year. I think I am. I mean, there's nothing significant I can really do until I'm done with school. What I have accomplished however, is grasping the sense of what I want my life to be, and what I want to do. I feel confident in what I want out of life and I feel focused on getting what I want. Life is short and sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but when you think back on certain times the memories start to blur and it all goes by pretty fast. It's Us versus Time. Let's try to make the most of it.

I'm also thankful for a lot. I'm going to take a page out of Oprah's philosophy and do my "List 5 things you are thankful for everyday". No worries, I don't watch Oprah personally, but I always get the re-cap and regurgitated version of her shows from my Aunt.

I'm thankful for:
1. My friends. They're lifetime friends.
2. My Aunt. She raised me since age 4. She made me who I am today and what I will be tomorrow.
3. My resources. Not much money being a student and all, but I have what I need. Especially my car. I love it, and you've got to love what you drive. And also, you really do need a car in LA. Public transportation here just doesn't cut it. Plus, it gets me to the slopes!
4. My capabilities. It's hard to find what you're truly capable of. It takes our whole lives really, but I think I have a good grasp on what I can do. It's good to know.
5. Snowboarding. If there's no snowboarding in Heaven, I'm not going.


The date...
Well, I'm just about to leave for it. I mean, it's really not a big deal. My friend Bryan who's known her for a while has told me she's a flake. We both actually bet each other drinks that she'd cancel. But it's 7:30pm and our 8pm scheduled rendezvous is still on track. We'll see what happens. I'm not expecting much. But I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. That's all a date really is isn't it? A chance to show who you are and if you're more than what you look like?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Prelude to the New Year...?

Wow. Time goes by so fast in between posts when I'm busy. It's nice, but I think I should post more often.

It's actually sucked having as much free time as I do. But the past week has been full of good times. It feels nice to be out doing things, and getting things done. I've made good use of a weekly planner I bought at Staples. The more I schedule things for the days ahead, the more I feel I have to do, and the more productive I feel when I get them done. Last Wednesday I went snowboarding for the day all by my lonesome. Why by myself? Well, all the buddies are busy with work and simply don't have the money and time to snowboard on a random weekday. Haha, the previous sentence makes me feel guilty. But hey, I took a break from school to be able to do things like this, and so I'm doing it. And no one I know is really as obsessed as I am about it. I had a good time and also made myself look sort of vain as I stood on the summit taking cell phone pictures of myself for facebook. I also took video of myself taking 4 jumps on a run. I probably looked weird holding a cell phone an arm's length away from my face as I flew through the air. But an AWESOME weird, which is in the end, just AWESOME.



I tried to go snowboard today also and try out a new ski resort that's only 45 minutes away from Los Angeles, but when I got there a lift had derailed a mere hour earlier because of high winds. Lame. So I drove back home. It worked out though because I grabbed my laptop and headed to the cafe I'm typing this post in. Happy face.

DATING...
So I haven't dated since I think... last Spring. The last girl was pretty cool actually. She was witty, smart, funny, and an avid skier. She travels, by herself, to a ton of different resorts in California every winter to ski(that's hot). In fact, our date was on the mountain, where we planned to meet for a drink after our respective days on the slopes were over. I knew her through a friend. She was about a year and a half older than me, but that didn't matter. Things were promising, and we continued to hang out and see each other. Things got a little complicated however when she turned out to be a boatload of self-sabotaging, crazy. She was like one of those people that need constant drama in their lives. Things will go smoothly, and that would be the exact point where they would try to add some UNSMOOTH into the mix, you know what I mean? I really have no tolerance or patience for people that can't enjoy life, so I broke it off pretty quick. It was pretty disappointing though, there was a lot of good qualities about her.

Anyway, my friend Bryan(Also the drummer for Morrownow) had a party last-last Saturday on the 12th. He was moving out of an awesome house he was renting a room in, and threw a moving-out party. The moment I walked in, a girl I recognized from one of his facebook photo albums(a very noticeable girl) was sitting on the couch with a friend I knew. I pretty much bee-lined to the couch to say "Hi" to my friend and took the opportunity to lock eyes with "noticeable girl"(let's call her "J"). We shot each other a long smile, and... I turned and left -- for the kitchen. Why did I leave? Well, my mentality was that I'd let our smile/moment marinate for a bit before I introduced myself. I know, I know, it sounds like some kind of ridiculous game. All in all, I think it is. So I saw the rest of my friends, and then worked my way back to that room and introduced myself. We had a little chat, and I told her I remembered her from Bryan's facebook albums. "Oh yeah? How did you remember me?" "You're pretty noticeable". *Giggle* Things went well besides the guy that she came with (that was supposedly platonic) that hovered around her every move. I left things off like that. The next day, I get a facebook add from her, and some back and forth chatting ensued. To fast-forward, we were supposed to have a coffee date tomorrow night at 8pm, but she suggested we reschedule to hang out on Saturday instead. And feel free to chime in with some advice or opinions, but Hmm... shall the coffee date turn into a dinner? Or should it stay a coffee date? The reason I even find myself wondering is because it's Saturday... and Saturdays are for you know, a more significant outing no? Should I suggest we do something more such as dinner and maybe a drink after?

12/23/09 - Update: Okay, so we both rescheduled tonight's date. It was mutual. She had some last minute shopping to do after she gets off work tonight, and I had a family dinner thing to go to. But now she proposed this:
"...it was busy which is good. Hey Bryan wanted to hang out this weekend should we all get together?"
-Bryan being one of my best friends, and both our mutual friend. He has a girlfriend, and his party was actually to celebrate moving out and in with his girlfriend. So I can only assume she means a double date. This suggestion kind of annoyed me honestly. It can either be read as just a simple suggestion, or beating around the bush. It's like if we're going to have a one on one date, let's do it and get to know each other, but now just it feels like hesitation on her end. OR maybe I'm just reading into it too much.

What do you guys think?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Baby steps...

Well, it seems that I'm on a new road. I think it's going to be filled with the usual potholes, turns, and speed limit signs life usually throws at us, but I think it'll always be heading in the right direction. That's all we can really ask for in life isn't it? To be facing and progressing the right way -- consistently? It's easy to spot certain people that most definitely took the wrong turn, and I don't want to be one of them.

I've taken the first baby steps in changing my life, and all I have to do is stay consistent. I've talked to my close buds about the crossroads I reached last week, and in turn they're supporting me and were also inspired. My most used line with them was, "I just don't want to be that old man that sits there regretting... not having done certain things in life, ya know?". That always hits home for them, and for me every time I hear myself say it. I think I'll write that into a script. It's good to see the people in your close support groups on the same page as you. It gives you confidence. I've written down the main goals and aspirations on a piece of paper and that paper is going to be in my face all the time. Literally, I'm going to tattoo it on my face. Just kidding. But if I did, that would be awesome... for a very short amount of time... like minutes... maybe an hour, at most. Anyway things are looking GREAT. It just FEELS great too. I've been running on my treadmill getting back in shape, which is a huge deal in my book by the way. I grew up an athlete, and for me having been idle for the past year without regular exercise, is as noticeable to me as a tattoo on my face would to you. A year and a half ago I was playing soccer 4 days out of the week at 3 hrs a day! And over the past year... I've done absolutely nothing. I surprised myself on the treadmill though because on my first day - Wednesday, after a 20 minute warm up walk, I pumped out a 10 minute mile no problem. And recently, I got through a whole chapstick without losing it! Clearly, I'm amazing. Clearly. I also have my snowboard waxed and ready to go, I'm going to start going to Sunday night soccer scrimmages again, I'm writing, I'm managing my friend's band, "Morrownow", etc.! There's a lot going on to keep me busy. I just have to ride this wave of activity and keep a focus of consistency... Wish me luck guys, and I wish the same for you.

Recent Progress with the band:
I got them a photo-shoot with a VERY experienced, and professional photographer, Joseph Linaschke. He just got done shooting the singer/artist Seal in Concert in Europe recently. Here's a couple of group photos of all of us together after the photo-shoot was done. Joseph is in the bottom-center holding the camera(of course). Yours truly, is on the far right (I'm the most yellow). If you're interested in the progress of the band, check out their blog (which is mostly written by me) at www.MORROWNOW.com



Thursday, December 3, 2009

Crossroads...



(Long post ahead)

Crossroads...

Nah, I'm not talking about that shitty movie Britney Spears was in, I'm talking about those certain events in life that make you really think about your past, present, and future all at once to the point life itself feels overwhelming. I think the crossroads/curveballs life throws at you once in a while is what makes and shapes us. We've just got to figure out which road to take or whether or not we should swing the bat the way we've been swinging it. It's like life gets really smooth and consistent, and all of a sudden you're hit with some event that flips you upside down. Clearly, I'm at one of those times, or shall I say just now passed the crossroads, onto a... new road?

Life seems to plateau sometimes and that's when you know you need a change. For some people I believe, it plateaus and just stays there. That's sad to me. But when people do reach a crossroads, I think it forces them to reach some sort of epiphany, some sort of realization about themselves and it contributes to which direction they take their lives. I think that's what life is all about, always growing/evolving as a person. I've found the road I'm taking, I think.

A couple of nights ago, when I reached my own metaphorical crossroads, I found myself literally at an intersection on the streets of Los Angeles. It was 2 AM and the streets were empty. A significant and rare thing because it's LA -- there's always cars. I just thought of how common car accidents were for a second and thought, "If I were to die in a car accident... now or like tomorrow, what would people say about me? What would they read at my funeral? What would my friends say about me in the eulogy?" "...Oh Brent was an ambitious guy with lots of asipirations... etc."? Which made me realize -- Ambition and dreams. That's all I have. That's the problem. I would just be one of the few that get into fatal car accidents in big cities everyday. Insignificant. I mean yes, we're all pretty insignificant in this huge universe of ours, but I'd like to be significant to my friends and family, and I guess... leave something behind? A legacy perhaps? And that itself, made me feel insignificant. I have no legacy, no by-product of "Brent's existence", there is no end result of ME. I wouldn't leave anything behind besides the memories my friends and family have of me, and my carbon footprint(Sorry EARTH, I didn't live long enough to make it up to you. I meant to buy a Prius, I swear!). I want to leave something behind.

My epiphany was: I refuse to believe only certain people are talented/gifted in some way. I think every single person has a talent/gift proposed to them at least once in their lifetime that they are capable of. Maybe some people are walking around who would've had this talent of playing the piano, but never pursued the instrument besides that one month of piano lessons when they were a kid. If they had, they'd probably be amazing by now and realized it long ago, but their cards just didn't play out like that in their lives. Maybe they just grew up never realizing their talent because they never had the opportunities to pursue it, or even see the value in it. It could be a million situations. I just know that either way, all people have the ability to do something well. Sometimes people are just out there pursuing the wrong thing (i.e. 99% of American Idol tryouts). I feel lucky to have realized some of my strengths, and that's where my legacy fails. I'm not doing anything with it. I'm not practicing it. I think it's like a sport, you need to train, train, train, practice, practice, practice, until you reach that level where it's... significant? I mean, I guess it doesn't even have to be a talent, it can be anything. It's hard for me to see or hear people talk about how much they hate their 9 to 5's, or how they didn't go for their dreams in one way or another. I realized it's because we're all lazy. And by lazy I also mean scared. We might be the people that just didn't get that extra boost of confidence from some random, past, life event for us to just go for it. We just sat on it, burying it under our couch cushions and never made our move because we were afraid of getting up and failing. All that buried under our couch cushions along with some change. The way life has been zipping by for me, even now I can see how short life can be -- especially if a random car accident can take it away from you. I'm so afraid of being that old man that lives the rest of his days with regrets, but I'm also afraid of failing. But then again, never trying is failure in itself right? So that's like a... Super fail. I think we all just need to grow some huge mental balls/ovaries and just go for whatever we think will make our lives more whole. There are so many things for me and I feel like I'm wasting huge chunks of them. I have plans. I have dreams. I have abilities. I'm not using or acting on them.

I NEED TO. NOW. Do you?





Get crackin'.