Wednesday, September 16, 2009

heh...

I keep forgetting what blogs are about sometimes. I keep waiting until I have something that I think is profound to say until I post. I gotta quit that.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Blessings...

So yesterday was my birthday. 23 feels no different of course. But Saturday night felt different though. It was awesome...

I had about 12 of my closest friends with me hanging out in our own section of the bar, having drinks, talking, telling jokes, and having an all-around awesome time. It makes me feel really blessed to have so many good quality friends. My best friend Josh used to work at the bar we were at. The Well in Hollywood. A very cool, lounge-y type place. He got a whole corner of the bar, and dare I call it what it's actually called, the "VIP Corner". I'm not really the snazzy, Hollywood, vanity type of guy so I almost don't want to call it what it was. But yeah, we had our own little lounge corner with a seperate booth just for us to get drinks. It was nice. And Josh got the reservation for free with hook-ups. It was just great to have a space of our own to be together. I grew up with half those people. One of my friends, I have known since I was 4 years old! How does that happen?! And he's still one of my closest friends. Josh, I've known since the 3rd grade. And Austin, I've known since kindergarten.

I told everyone there in my drunken haze, but honestly, -- that life is so short when it comes down to it, that we don't have time to waste being around fake people. We don't have time for the bullshit. We only have time to surround ourselves with as many genuine, good people, as you can. There's room for nothing else. I mean as people, it defines us, we are a social being, and we depend on each other for almost everything. It's amazing if you think about it. Well, I told them each personally that I appreciate them, and their presence in my life, and how valuable they are to me. I told them I could recite this whole personal message to them even while sober because I was being completely honest. Isn't that funny when you're drunk you tend to think people don't believe you when you tell them things? It's hilarious because you start to repeat yourself and try to reassure them as much as possible. It becomes of circle of slurred guarantees of honesty.

I guess what I'm trying to say is these are the moments that define your life. Not just a birthday, but just a time around friends, and people who love you. It really shows you how much love there is in the world for you, and personally, it almost defines me as a person. I can take a step back, and try to see it from outside the box and surprise myself of how many people care about me, and truly wish me all the best in life. And it's not even about the amount of people, it's the quality. And I try to surround myself with only good quality, intelligent, down to earth, GENUINE people in my life. I have no time or space for anything less. Saturday night made me truly happy, and gave me a wake up call as to what kind of person I must be with all these great people in my life even giving me the time of day. You know what I mean?

On another note, I'm plowing through my anxiety. I'm really trying to take a passenger seat role with these anxious thoughts and worries that trigger the panic attacks, and trying to just observe and befriend them. It's a technique. It's been working too. It keeps me in the rational part of the brain, and most of the fear is just the fear of having a panic attack. Isn't that crazy? You have a panic attack because you fear having a panic attack. What a circle. I'm just saying I was fine Saturday night. The most anxious I got was when I got home and really figured out how drunk I was. I was pretty drunk. Just the fear of being hungover (aka. dehydrated) the next day triggered some anxious sensations, but I powered through it. It's just going to take practice again. I'll be fine.

Well, I think I've got to make the most of this coming year. You're only 23 once.