Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Suit up!...

Howdy blog. It's been a busy week. But it's been a good-busy. Busy enough to keep from being bored, but not enough to be stressful or annoying.

The wood shapes fit...
I finally feel like things are set in place. It's like that toy from when we were toddlers, where you put the wooden shapes in the correct places. The past 5 years or so, the triangle piece was crammed in the circle hole. It's now in the correct triangle hole. -"That's what she said!"- . But seriously now, it feels nice. It all begins with my transfer and acceptance to the film writing program at Cal State Northridge. I'm all set to start there and learn my craft. And to be at this point, it feels great. It's like I'm finally on track. The only thing is, I'm also at the point where I want to get my life and goals re-focused -- I want to take a break from school. I want to do this snowboarding trip to Lake Tahoe this winter, for sure this time -- and start the film program next fall instead. That's the plan...

Billy's Wedding...
Tonight, I'll make the drive up the California Coast for my cousin Billy's Saturday wedding near San Luis Obispo in Avila Beach. I love the area up there. He and his brother, also named Brent, grew up in the Pismo Beach area. They grew up in the whole late 80's, early 90's surf, and punk era. Needless to say, they're my kind of guys to hang out with. I never had any siblings growing up, so my friends are extra important to me in replacement and my cousins are the closest thing to brothers I have. Since Brent is now married with a toddler, and Billy is now getting married, I won't have much to do tonight when I go up the coast. I'll be near Avila beach though. So I guess I'll look up some cool nightlife spot there on Yelp.com and have a drink. It's not so bad to go to a bar alone is it? We'll see. I'll be sure to take some pictures at the wedding.

Suit up!
So for the wedding, I bought myself a suit. And I mean a really nice, good quality suit. My first one in fact. I've never owned a suit before. There just never came a need really. This one was pretty expensive though. I'm pretty sensible with finances, but I see the value in buying good quality things, especially clothes. I got myself a Zegna suit. I picked it up yesterday from the tailor, and it looks pretty awesome on me. I should get it altered a little bit more though, there's still room for adjustment to the slim-fitting look I want. I'm pretty proud of the suit. Barney Stinson from the most awesome, legendary, CBS tv show "How I Met Your Mother" would be proud. Barney, I "Suited up!" Barney Stinson in Action

Batting Cages...
In the past two weeks, I've been hitting at the batting cages almost every night. It's been great to get my swing and skills back. One of my top regrets in my short life of 22 years was quitting baseball in high school. If I stuck with it, even in my high school's under-funded, shitty baseball program, I would've played for a college at the least. Oh well. It just feels good to see how even after all these years I've maintained the bulk of skill I used to have. Hitting and doing it with good form is pretty satisfying for the soul. I guess it's like golf in a way. You practice and practice until your swing is perfect, and it turns into a self-satisfying game. Just trying to best your best.

Well after this weekend, next week will be pretty busy. I'll be heading up to San Francisco for 5 days to see a couple friends. Should be a great time. I'll tell you as it happens.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


Hey blog. Sorry I've ignored you for the past few months, it wasn't anything personal. I should be updating you regularly from now on.
Why was I gone for so long you ask?
Well it's simple really. I've been sort of jaded by the misfortunes and mishappenings of life. No depressing sob stories, but... more like boredom and plain, unhappiness in the "big-picture" scheme of things.
What do I mean by that?
I mean by how I just haven't been happy with what I'm doing. The whole school thing, not actually learning what I want, and well, I guess this should explain things:
I sometimes see certain friends that I haven't seen in a short while, let's say a couple weeks. They then ask me "So Brent, what have you been up too?" My usual answer 9 out of 10 times is, "Oh you know, same shit - different day."
Get it now? Yeah, I know right?

I want to start fresh with everything. And I mean everything. This coming winter, I will, surely this time, uproot myself and plant myself in Lake Tahoe for the winter. I will be taking a break from school, no matter if I have to apply again and wait to attend for a year. After September, I'll be 23. Which means when I go back to school, I will be graduating from college at age 26. If I choose to get a Master's I'll finish that by age 28. Do I really want to use up these years? It's like using up all your quarters for one mediocre game out of a whole arcade. Well that's my inner conflict. Up to this point, I have been totally content with how much time I was taking to get through school. I'm a unique person, I've been through unique life events that have changed my path more than the average person. I was okay with it. Until now. I feel stagnant. -"That's what she said!" Just kidding. Seriously. I'm going to get things going again. This blog even, will be fresh. I have the whole point of the blog pretty focused now. It's about Me. Before, I was a little too self-conscious of what I wrote, and how I wrote. I guess because I knew it was read by a few people I know. I also think it was because I didn't want to sound dumb, or like a bad writer. But I realize I don't need to prove my intelligence and ability to anyone. This is a blog, not a literary sample.

So blog, I've been lonely lately. As you know, I've never been in a long-term relationship in my adult life. Age 22 turning on 23. That too. Socially retarded? Nope. I've just been a work in progress after a few laggy moments in high school with major life events and all. I've made some major transformations in just the past few years, so my friends and I know to cut me some slack about the whole lack-of-relationships deal. But what I have experienced recently was the possibility of a casual, physical relationship and it made me realize something. It didn't work out too well as she was pretty neurotic, insecure, and self-sabotaging. But what it did do for me was give me a taste. You know, a taste of that feeling of someone else sleeping in your bed, keeping you company. Someone you could lean on. It was nice. It filled that loneliness void I usually filled with time spent with friends. And it filled that void a lot nicer than hang time with the guys did. I can see it now. The ongoing cycle of casual sex, and short physical relationships. I'm so close to fitting that description. It's not a bad thing... I think it's just natural when you're single, and alone. You fill the loneliness when and with who you can like a drug until you find one that's different and special. Even as a guy, for me, I don't even think it's about the need for sex, it's just a need to be with someone, to fill that void.