Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry Christmas 2009...

Hey, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone.

There are a lot of things that go through my head when the end of the year comes around. I typically think of all the things I did or accomplished, and want to feel satisfied with how I spent the year. I think I am. I mean, there's nothing significant I can really do until I'm done with school. What I have accomplished however, is grasping the sense of what I want my life to be, and what I want to do. I feel confident in what I want out of life and I feel focused on getting what I want. Life is short and sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but when you think back on certain times the memories start to blur and it all goes by pretty fast. It's Us versus Time. Let's try to make the most of it.

I'm also thankful for a lot. I'm going to take a page out of Oprah's philosophy and do my "List 5 things you are thankful for everyday". No worries, I don't watch Oprah personally, but I always get the re-cap and regurgitated version of her shows from my Aunt.

I'm thankful for:
1. My friends. They're lifetime friends.
2. My Aunt. She raised me since age 4. She made me who I am today and what I will be tomorrow.
3. My resources. Not much money being a student and all, but I have what I need. Especially my car. I love it, and you've got to love what you drive. And also, you really do need a car in LA. Public transportation here just doesn't cut it. Plus, it gets me to the slopes!
4. My capabilities. It's hard to find what you're truly capable of. It takes our whole lives really, but I think I have a good grasp on what I can do. It's good to know.
5. Snowboarding. If there's no snowboarding in Heaven, I'm not going.

The date...
Well, I'm just about to leave for it. I mean, it's really not a big deal. My friend Bryan who's known her for a while has told me she's a flake. We both actually bet each other drinks that she'd cancel. But it's 7:30pm and our 8pm scheduled rendezvous is still on track. We'll see what happens. I'm not expecting much. But I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. That's all a date really is isn't it? A chance to show who you are and if you're more than what you look like?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Prelude to the New Year...?

Wow. Time goes by so fast in between posts when I'm busy. It's nice, but I think I should post more often.

It's actually sucked having as much free time as I do. But the past week has been full of good times. It feels nice to be out doing things, and getting things done. I've made good use of a weekly planner I bought at Staples. The more I schedule things for the days ahead, the more I feel I have to do, and the more productive I feel when I get them done. Last Wednesday I went snowboarding for the day all by my lonesome. Why by myself? Well, all the buddies are busy with work and simply don't have the money and time to snowboard on a random weekday. Haha, the previous sentence makes me feel guilty. But hey, I took a break from school to be able to do things like this, and so I'm doing it. And no one I know is really as obsessed as I am about it. I had a good time and also made myself look sort of vain as I stood on the summit taking cell phone pictures of myself for facebook. I also took video of myself taking 4 jumps on a run. I probably looked weird holding a cell phone an arm's length away from my face as I flew through the air. But an AWESOME weird, which is in the end, just AWESOME.

I tried to go snowboard today also and try out a new ski resort that's only 45 minutes away from Los Angeles, but when I got there a lift had derailed a mere hour earlier because of high winds. Lame. So I drove back home. It worked out though because I grabbed my laptop and headed to the cafe I'm typing this post in. Happy face.

So I haven't dated since I think... last Spring. The last girl was pretty cool actually. She was witty, smart, funny, and an avid skier. She travels, by herself, to a ton of different resorts in California every winter to ski(that's hot). In fact, our date was on the mountain, where we planned to meet for a drink after our respective days on the slopes were over. I knew her through a friend. She was about a year and a half older than me, but that didn't matter. Things were promising, and we continued to hang out and see each other. Things got a little complicated however when she turned out to be a boatload of self-sabotaging, crazy. She was like one of those people that need constant drama in their lives. Things will go smoothly, and that would be the exact point where they would try to add some UNSMOOTH into the mix, you know what I mean? I really have no tolerance or patience for people that can't enjoy life, so I broke it off pretty quick. It was pretty disappointing though, there was a lot of good qualities about her.

Anyway, my friend Bryan(Also the drummer for Morrownow) had a party last-last Saturday on the 12th. He was moving out of an awesome house he was renting a room in, and threw a moving-out party. The moment I walked in, a girl I recognized from one of his facebook photo albums(a very noticeable girl) was sitting on the couch with a friend I knew. I pretty much bee-lined to the couch to say "Hi" to my friend and took the opportunity to lock eyes with "noticeable girl"(let's call her "J"). We shot each other a long smile, and... I turned and left -- for the kitchen. Why did I leave? Well, my mentality was that I'd let our smile/moment marinate for a bit before I introduced myself. I know, I know, it sounds like some kind of ridiculous game. All in all, I think it is. So I saw the rest of my friends, and then worked my way back to that room and introduced myself. We had a little chat, and I told her I remembered her from Bryan's facebook albums. "Oh yeah? How did you remember me?" "You're pretty noticeable". *Giggle* Things went well besides the guy that she came with (that was supposedly platonic) that hovered around her every move. I left things off like that. The next day, I get a facebook add from her, and some back and forth chatting ensued. To fast-forward, we were supposed to have a coffee date tomorrow night at 8pm, but she suggested we reschedule to hang out on Saturday instead. And feel free to chime in with some advice or opinions, but Hmm... shall the coffee date turn into a dinner? Or should it stay a coffee date? The reason I even find myself wondering is because it's Saturday... and Saturdays are for you know, a more significant outing no? Should I suggest we do something more such as dinner and maybe a drink after?

12/23/09 - Update: Okay, so we both rescheduled tonight's date. It was mutual. She had some last minute shopping to do after she gets off work tonight, and I had a family dinner thing to go to. But now she proposed this:
" was busy which is good. Hey Bryan wanted to hang out this weekend should we all get together?"
-Bryan being one of my best friends, and both our mutual friend. He has a girlfriend, and his party was actually to celebrate moving out and in with his girlfriend. So I can only assume she means a double date. This suggestion kind of annoyed me honestly. It can either be read as just a simple suggestion, or beating around the bush. It's like if we're going to have a one on one date, let's do it and get to know each other, but now just it feels like hesitation on her end. OR maybe I'm just reading into it too much.

What do you guys think?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Baby steps...

Well, it seems that I'm on a new road. I think it's going to be filled with the usual potholes, turns, and speed limit signs life usually throws at us, but I think it'll always be heading in the right direction. That's all we can really ask for in life isn't it? To be facing and progressing the right way -- consistently? It's easy to spot certain people that most definitely took the wrong turn, and I don't want to be one of them.

I've taken the first baby steps in changing my life, and all I have to do is stay consistent. I've talked to my close buds about the crossroads I reached last week, and in turn they're supporting me and were also inspired. My most used line with them was, "I just don't want to be that old man that sits there regretting... not having done certain things in life, ya know?". That always hits home for them, and for me every time I hear myself say it. I think I'll write that into a script. It's good to see the people in your close support groups on the same page as you. It gives you confidence. I've written down the main goals and aspirations on a piece of paper and that paper is going to be in my face all the time. Literally, I'm going to tattoo it on my face. Just kidding. But if I did, that would be awesome... for a very short amount of time... like minutes... maybe an hour, at most. Anyway things are looking GREAT. It just FEELS great too. I've been running on my treadmill getting back in shape, which is a huge deal in my book by the way. I grew up an athlete, and for me having been idle for the past year without regular exercise, is as noticeable to me as a tattoo on my face would to you. A year and a half ago I was playing soccer 4 days out of the week at 3 hrs a day! And over the past year... I've done absolutely nothing. I surprised myself on the treadmill though because on my first day - Wednesday, after a 20 minute warm up walk, I pumped out a 10 minute mile no problem. And recently, I got through a whole chapstick without losing it! Clearly, I'm amazing. Clearly. I also have my snowboard waxed and ready to go, I'm going to start going to Sunday night soccer scrimmages again, I'm writing, I'm managing my friend's band, "Morrownow", etc.! There's a lot going on to keep me busy. I just have to ride this wave of activity and keep a focus of consistency... Wish me luck guys, and I wish the same for you.

Recent Progress with the band:
I got them a photo-shoot with a VERY experienced, and professional photographer, Joseph Linaschke. He just got done shooting the singer/artist Seal in Concert in Europe recently. Here's a couple of group photos of all of us together after the photo-shoot was done. Joseph is in the bottom-center holding the camera(of course). Yours truly, is on the far right (I'm the most yellow). If you're interested in the progress of the band, check out their blog (which is mostly written by me) at

Thursday, December 3, 2009


(Long post ahead)


Nah, I'm not talking about that shitty movie Britney Spears was in, I'm talking about those certain events in life that make you really think about your past, present, and future all at once to the point life itself feels overwhelming. I think the crossroads/curveballs life throws at you once in a while is what makes and shapes us. We've just got to figure out which road to take or whether or not we should swing the bat the way we've been swinging it. It's like life gets really smooth and consistent, and all of a sudden you're hit with some event that flips you upside down. Clearly, I'm at one of those times, or shall I say just now passed the crossroads, onto a... new road?

Life seems to plateau sometimes and that's when you know you need a change. For some people I believe, it plateaus and just stays there. That's sad to me. But when people do reach a crossroads, I think it forces them to reach some sort of epiphany, some sort of realization about themselves and it contributes to which direction they take their lives. I think that's what life is all about, always growing/evolving as a person. I've found the road I'm taking, I think.

A couple of nights ago, when I reached my own metaphorical crossroads, I found myself literally at an intersection on the streets of Los Angeles. It was 2 AM and the streets were empty. A significant and rare thing because it's LA -- there's always cars. I just thought of how common car accidents were for a second and thought, "If I were to die in a car accident... now or like tomorrow, what would people say about me? What would they read at my funeral? What would my friends say about me in the eulogy?" "...Oh Brent was an ambitious guy with lots of asipirations... etc."? Which made me realize -- Ambition and dreams. That's all I have. That's the problem. I would just be one of the few that get into fatal car accidents in big cities everyday. Insignificant. I mean yes, we're all pretty insignificant in this huge universe of ours, but I'd like to be significant to my friends and family, and I guess... leave something behind? A legacy perhaps? And that itself, made me feel insignificant. I have no legacy, no by-product of "Brent's existence", there is no end result of ME. I wouldn't leave anything behind besides the memories my friends and family have of me, and my carbon footprint(Sorry EARTH, I didn't live long enough to make it up to you. I meant to buy a Prius, I swear!). I want to leave something behind.

My epiphany was: I refuse to believe only certain people are talented/gifted in some way. I think every single person has a talent/gift proposed to them at least once in their lifetime that they are capable of. Maybe some people are walking around who would've had this talent of playing the piano, but never pursued the instrument besides that one month of piano lessons when they were a kid. If they had, they'd probably be amazing by now and realized it long ago, but their cards just didn't play out like that in their lives. Maybe they just grew up never realizing their talent because they never had the opportunities to pursue it, or even see the value in it. It could be a million situations. I just know that either way, all people have the ability to do something well. Sometimes people are just out there pursuing the wrong thing (i.e. 99% of American Idol tryouts). I feel lucky to have realized some of my strengths, and that's where my legacy fails. I'm not doing anything with it. I'm not practicing it. I think it's like a sport, you need to train, train, train, practice, practice, practice, until you reach that level where it's... significant? I mean, I guess it doesn't even have to be a talent, it can be anything. It's hard for me to see or hear people talk about how much they hate their 9 to 5's, or how they didn't go for their dreams in one way or another. I realized it's because we're all lazy. And by lazy I also mean scared. We might be the people that just didn't get that extra boost of confidence from some random, past, life event for us to just go for it. We just sat on it, burying it under our couch cushions and never made our move because we were afraid of getting up and failing. All that buried under our couch cushions along with some change. The way life has been zipping by for me, even now I can see how short life can be -- especially if a random car accident can take it away from you. I'm so afraid of being that old man that lives the rest of his days with regrets, but I'm also afraid of failing. But then again, never trying is failure in itself right? So that's like a... Super fail. I think we all just need to grow some huge mental balls/ovaries and just go for whatever we think will make our lives more whole. There are so many things for me and I feel like I'm wasting huge chunks of them. I have plans. I have dreams. I have abilities. I'm not using or acting on them.

I NEED TO. NOW. Do you?

Get crackin'.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Looking up...

Another busy week for me. It's been great though, I'm loving having something to do each day. It brushes the "monotonous-rust" away that's been building up during this past, uneventful, unproductive, summer.

I feel like I talk tons about my friends in my posts. I guess that just shows how close and how much a part of my life they are. My family for instance, I almost never see any throughout the year. I wish we were like the families in the movies where we would all see each other for the holidays, or at least on some random, consistent basis. But to be honest, and for example, I haven't spoken to my closest-located relative -- my cousin (also named Brent, I know, how original of my mother), since his brother's wedding this past June. I think I posted about the wedding too. He's busy with his growing toddler, wife, and new job. I understand. But that's where lies our family's characteristic of it "being ok" not talking to each other for however many months at a time. I always mean to call him, but simply forget. It's just how it is.

Be right back, steamed crab awaits...

Okay. So as I was saying... Since my family isn't the typical family, well... the bottom line is I appreciate my friends a lot, and I have a good group that I rely on, and can rely on for the rest of my life. We all go through our troubles and hardships, and we've been there for each other. It's just a naturally difficult period of time in our lives at the moment, and I'm glad I have them around. Needless to say, these close friends I'm talking about are also members of the band I am "managing". It just makes the situation all the more fun, exciting, and motivating. I love it. We hang out and do our normal thing, but all of a sudden, we have this major commonality between us to talk and get enthusiastic about together, besides the norm... girls. It's been tons of fun making things happen and setting things up. I got a band photographer, and now we're looking at a small club called the Dragonfly as their first gig in a few weeks. Also in a few weeks, they're going to record a three-song demo in a studio. With that, I can shop it around and get better gigs for them, thus increasing their fan base. That's all it is right now anyway, building up a significant fan base that will actually come out to shows.

We were filming a band interview video and they snapped this picture of me. They said I look very "Mr. Manager".

Not much else going on really. I'm going to get myself up in the mountains soon since it's snowing now, and surf the mountains a bit. The first snowboarding trip of the year will probably motivate a whole post, and will inspire the usage of a camera while I'm there of course.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Honesty Scrap Award #2...

Herro! Well I've been pretty busy and productive the last few days... and I LOVE IT. It's been a great change from the usual... nothing I've been doing a lot of. The managerial duties of the band has really been coming around full circle, and things are really coming into shape. We have all of our networking up, I shot about 2 hours of video footage last night at their practice, and I'm currently editing it into an Introductory kind of video for the sites/fans. It gives an inside-look to the personalities of the guys, and the group as a whole. The plan now is to make a 3-song demo which will be done in about a few weeks to a month or so, and with a studio we have previous experience with is already lined up and ready to go for that. Since the band's sound is so unique, we're doing our best to search for other bands as similar as possible so we can play a "premier" show with them. Needless to say, it's pretty hard looking for these certain bands. I've been so busy doing all these things in fact, I'm on TWO computers at the moment. I know, I'm pretty amazing. You know what else is amazing? I just recently got through my SECOND chapstick all the way through without losing it! Please, don't hold your applause.

Something else in my world of 2nds...

I've recently received my 2nd Honesty Scrap Award! The first time I received it was last January. What's with the "Scrap" part of the award? I don't get it. Anyway. From the last time I received the award, it was given to people who write honestly in their blogs. But from the rules below, you can see this has upgraded to "brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you". Cool. I must be the bomb diggity. Anyways, I'd like to thank Jill at her great blog, Life After College for giving me the award. Much appreciated, and I dig the acknowledgment whole-heartedly.

The Rules of the Award
1) Thank the person who gave the award and list their blog and link it.
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

*My 10 Honest Things About Myself*
(Dude. This is hard. I have to look at my answers from before so I don't write the same answer twice.But a lot has changed from a year...)
1. I'm almost always late. I'm never late to the important things, but usually to the "regular" things. When I say I'll be there at 10:30pm, expect me there 10:45pm. Depending on what we're doing of course. Just know I cut it pretty close.
2. I used to be very insecure about my looks in high school. Wasn't that the time almost everyone was though? I find peace in that, but I never found peace in how I was about 40lbs. overweight. So I lost it all in college. Now I'm sexy.
3. I'm a very competitive person and very team-oriented. I don't like to lose. It all stems from growing up playing team sports all of my life. I'm like... meant to succeed in team-dynamic situations.
4. I like "chick-flick" movies. I LOVE rom-coms(romantic-comedies). "The Proposal"? Watched it. "The Ugly Truth"? Watched it, loved it. I just think they're crazy entertaining. That's what they're meant for, so enjoy.
5. I have a promise to myself to one day perform stand-up comedy and invite all of my friends. They all tell me to do it, so one day, they're going to get a random, surprise invite.
6. I never get enough sleep when I'm in school. I'll stay up even when I'm tired. I feel like... bored or something. Like I'm wasting time, or didn't do enough with my day besides school to justify sleeping and wasting the hours. It's weird and I can't put a finger on the exact reasoning behind it all. But yeah, I'm usually running on only 6 hours of sleep at most when I'm in school. It's terrible.
7. The plan is to go to Cal-State Northridge. But I just can't see myself living out in the valley... Eww. If you guys ever watch the HBO show "Entourage" and they talk about the "valley", it's true. It's just gross out there to me. It's 10 degrees hotter, flatter, boring, and just, eww. I grew up in central Los Angeles all of my life, and can't see myself out in Northridge. Gross.
8. If I wasn't pursuing writing as a career, and screenwriting for my degree, I'd probably pursue something in Marketing. I know what the people want!
9. I can't stand rude people. Assholes, jerks, whatever you want to call them. I have absolutely NO tolerance. We come across people everyday, and you're bound not to like a few, and those are my few. If a person doesn't have the decency to treat people right, they don't deserve any room in anyone's lives. Bottom line.
10. This one is sort of recycled from the last year: My friends = family. I say this because I never grew up with much family around. Everyone was far away. It was usually just my Aunt and I. If you've been around my blog for even a few reads, you'll see how much I mention my friends. It's because they've been around since childhood. The closest friends I hang out with now, are truly the closest friends I've been around since childhood. Two I've known since I was 4 years old. I've known almost all of my closest friends since at LEAST 8 years old. That's a long time. We all consider each other brothers, and I love them all. They'll be around for the rest of my life. Just my friends in general, are good quality people. The weeding process just happens naturally, you know how it is. I surround myself with good people.

The 7 people/blogs I present "The Honest Scrap Award" are in no particular order:
1. Melanie at Melanie's Randomness
2. Jeanette at Cooler Ranch or Nacho Cheese?
3. David at The Rest Is Still Unwritten
4. Match me, please
5. Anne at stream-of-consciousness
6. Priscilla Ahn's brand new blog at Girl In A Tree (A crush on her helped with this choice. Refer to an old post:
7. Jen at Welcome to the Jungle - Another aspiring screenwriter in Hollywood. Cool.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Band Progress...

Wow, it's been a week already?! It only feels like a few days have gone by.

Well let me tell you, I've lived out a pretty exciting and busy past week. I don't have much of a productivity problem at the moment. Lots of free time still, but now I actually need the time. My friend's band that I've been "managing" are taking their first steps to getting their name out there and start gigging soon. We're not brand new at this in the least. Everyone in the band has had years of performance experience, and Josh lead a band himself for over a year. I was along for the ride since the beginning from where he first picked up a guitar, so I actually have an idea of what to do also. The book "All about the music business" the apparent "bible" to all things music business has been pretty helpful the past week too.

The band's name is "Morrownow". I've been setting up about 5 of their networking websites in the past week. It's actually a lot of work trying to keep up and network consistently on them. They also have a blog, under the newly purchased "" domain (We're pretty proud of that and giggled like little girls). I've been waiting on some personal bio info from the band members before I update their blog. Hmm what else... Yeah, setting up their facebook page, twitter, myspace, and youtube. The myspace existed for a long time before, but now custom HTML website coding is in the works for it. In fact, there's a whole list of "to-do's" for each of these sites that I had to write it all down. Either way, it's keeping me busy and I love that. This band has a lot of potential, and what motivates me the MOST, besides their blatant talent, is how we're all close friends already. Josh, probably my closest and best friend from childhood, Jason, whom I've known since high school -- also part of my "closest friends" group of buddies, and Bryan, also in that group. We all consider each other brothers. Tom, the bassist, is brand new to our group but is an awesome guy with the personality to match. He fits right in. I think all of us being actual close/best friends with each other makes us unique, and I think that quality will carry us a long way.

They want to start playing gigs in the next few weeks. I have my role to play for that. "Mr. Manager". But like I told them, I want/need to earn that title.

As for regular things, I think that phase of not going out to bars lately is slowly tapering off. I don't think I'll ever get back up to 4-5 nights out a week again, but I definitely will be using my weekends. There's just this "urge/craving" to go out again. I don't know what it was, but the bottom line is I went out both nights this past weekend. A college party on Friday ngiht, and then checked out a cool new bar in Downtown LA called the "Seven Grand" with Josh and another buddy on Saturday night. The place was really cool, and will probably be my default hangout from now on. It's a step up in maturity level too, and I think that's what all of us were looking for.

If you have facebook, myspace, twitter, and of course -- a blog, I hope you'll support Morrownow. We're just trying to get off the ground at the moment and network a bit. Plus, the blog should be interesting as it's a behind-the-scenes look to a fresh new band on the road to "making it".

Facebook (be a Fan!)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Halloween 2009...

I just went back and read my Halloween 2008 post. Wow. A year already. I love this time of year though. The holidays roll around, the weather gets cooler, and the colors of fall pop. Snow starts falling, and personally for me, it gets me way excited -- an erection of happiness in my brain for a new season of snowboarding.

So Friday night, the night BEFORE Halloween... My friend Josh, the one that subtly looks like Heath Ledger and can do the Joker impersonation, got us to be his bank robbing, clown posse from the movie, "The Dark Knight". Basically, the whole night was for Josh. We joked around with him saying, "Yeah man, you're going to need to buy us all of our drinks tonight because we're nothing but character support for you". Needless to say, we were a HUGE HIT on Cahuenga Blvd. Bar Row in Hollywood. We had plastic guns, and we would "escort" the Joker from bar to bar, clearing the way for him. We wore suits, and one of us was in regular street clothes (the clown that drove the bus into the bank). Yup, we went all out. We must be in 20 different people's facebook albums by now. We were taking pictures with random people everywhere. Josh had a makeup artist friend help him out with his makeup, and he looked the part. He didn't have time to go out shopping for real clothes to match the Joker's, so he just wore the parody costume from a costume shop. But it wasn't a big deal, he looked enough like him anyway. He got all of the attention of course, as we expected.

All of us.

Why so serious?


On Saturday night, it was slightly more toned down for some reason. I was an 80's Marathon Runner. I forgot to take pictures while I was at the party, but there are pictures below in the pre-party stages. It was a warehouse party in this industrial place in Santa Monica. It was cool. It was outdoors, and it was clearly in an actual warehouse that manufactured carts/bikes I think. It was an open bar for just a $10 admission fee. I came a little late and got in for free, SCORE. Anyway, it was super-crowded and packed and it was a pretty good time. We left at what we thought was 1:30AM only to be fooled by daylight savings time. We headed over to a friend's place right on the Venice Beach boardwalk, and hung out there for a small after party. Cookies, popcorn, and old school hip hop ensued. I called it a night not too long after I got there though. It was so-so. Overall, I had a great weekend. Here I am:

I think I'm going to hit the gym again, try to gain the muscle mass I lost over the past two years and then get additionally, super-buff so I can be a "300" Spartan for Halloween next year. Haha, yeah, not for health or any "real" reasons -- JUST to be a Spartan for next Halloween. That's New Year's Resolution #1.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

New stuff...

As I've said before, I don't have much to do lately. I'm out of school until film school starts up next August, so I'm trying to keep myself busy with work(which isn't much to do), books, and writing as much as I can. I must have like 10 notebooks full of writings, journals, and ideas. Well it's hard to go back and read through all of them because it's all pretty random and disorganized. I took a trip to Staples today and bought some nice, new, notebooks. It's nice, it's like buying new soccer shoes and anticipating breaking them in.

I bought a hard-covered journal notebook, and a medium sized notebook meant for "ideas". I should talk about that one book, "All You Need To Know About The Music Business" by Donald S. Passman too. That book is supposed to be the "bible" for anyone interested in any part of the music business. I bought it because a couple of my best friends have a rock band that actually have talent. My friend Josh, would like me to have the role of band manager for them, and do what band managers do. I was at their last band practice, and he brought it up. I told them all though, that I'd like to "earn" that position and not just be given the role. It wouldn't be fair to them to even ask for that position, especially since I have no real experience. They want to play gigs by the end of November, so I should get reading and figure out exactly what my role is going to be.


Jason(sitting), Tom(Bass), and Josh

Bryan (Drums)

Like I said, these guys aren't your typical "my friend's band" that usually suck. They're actually very good, and hopefully, I can help them get somewhere. These are guys I grew up with, so there's no real motivation besides them being my best friends, and wanting to see them succeed. I guess that's good for them, I'd actually be a genuine "manager" out for their best interests. We all watch the show "Entourage" too. I guess I'd be best compared to "E" (Eric) on the show.

Well, Josh gets compared to Heath Ledger all the time while we're out. Needless to say, it hogs some attention from the female persuasion for us "other" guys that are with him. He also, can do a pretty dead-on accurate impersonation of "The Joker" from "Batman - The Dark Knight". It's pretty creepy how well he does it too. Well, the masks for the Joker's clown posse in the bank robbery scene in the beginning of the movie, are ordered, and our suits are ready for wear. Josh is going to be the Joker and we're going to be his clown posse.

So imagine... all of us wearing some snazzy suits, pulling up in my black SUV, in front of some club/bar, and we all pour out in our masks with a pretty convincing Joker in tow. Awesome. No worries, pictures galore this weekend.

Sunday, October 18, 2009


I'm on the right, and my very handsome, single friend is Travis(that good enough Travis?).

I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's just a phase. For the past 3 months, my friends and I haven't gone out to any bars consistently. And by that I mean, we've all been spending the weekends doing pretty mellow stuff, and for myself, I've been staying home a lot. Its done crazy, magical, wonders for my wallet and checking account though. We've probably gone out to a bar a total of 3 times the past 3 months. The significance of this is that since we all turned 21, my friends and I have gone out pretty much every weekend to bars or parties. That's a solid 2 year block of time. It just feels weird now staying home multiple weekends in a row. Also, back when my friend Josh was working at a trendy bar in Hollywood, and another one in the Silverlake area, we were going out about 4 nights a week consistently for about 8 months. Well, tonight we all thought back on it. Actually, it wasn't all of us. That would be our group of four. Four best friends. I've known them since I was in kindergarten. Crazy huh? Anyway, yeah, just Josh and I were sitting in the 4100 bar tonight, and we walked in at about midnight. We had all of one drink each over the course of 40 minutes, and decided to call it a night. I laugh thinking about it now. We sat there and got into the most profound conversation of how we came to this stage... About how both of our alcohol tolerances are basically at zero because after that one drink each, our heads were already heavy. With mostly blurry nostalgia, we looked back and mapped out our schedule that was -- from several months ago. This is what we came up with:

Monday - nothing.

Tuesday - "$0.25 Chicken Wing Night" at Big Wang's (Trendy Sports bar contrary to the name) in Hollywood. We ate there pretty consistently every Tuesday night and then stuck around for drinks after.

Wednesday - "Hump day" (go out to get over the mid-week hump that is Wednesday) Went out for drinks again.

Thursday - Josh bartending at Ye Rustic Inn bar in Silverlake. We used to drop in on him randomly.

Friday - Mandatory night out in Hollywood.

Saturday - Mandatory night out again.

Sunday - recovery.

That's a pretty consistent drinking schedule held for about a solid 8 months. Not a very good thing now that we look back on it. So what changed?

Well, amongst us four, jobs were lost and gained, ex-girlfriends were taken back, homes were moved, money was short, gym memberships and diets ensued, and most of all... we just got over it. I guess we're all kind of over the whole L.A. bar scene. We were new to it being 21 then 22, and now were 23 and pretty well versed in the whole experience and tiring lifestyle. Many-a-nights have we gone out trying to re-enact the bar scenes from the movie "Swingers" with Vince Vaughn and Jon Fabreau(One of my favorite movies of all time by the way). And many-a-nights have we ended up at the late night taco trucks. We've been doing the same ol' bar night thing for two years. It's not like we don't enjoy it, but I guess we've figured out how tiring and expensive it can be going out EVERY weekend, AND a couple of times during the week. I feel it too. I see myself doing the whole nightlife scene maybe once or twice every two weeks from now on. I think it'll make the times we do go out more enjoyable anyway.

(no worries. his hairstyle has updated as of late.)

I think... we're growing up...

(hahaha, quite the staged picture)

But in all seriousness -- the "growing up" part... is kinda scary.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My Inner Monologue...

So I used to come to this cafe pretty frequently to write, study, and eat. I haven't been here for quite a while. It's a great cafe in central LA too. Quaint, with nice, mellow decor, and open until almost 2 AM. Lots of writers/creative types hang out here to work. Hence, me. You'll walk in and see the glowing screens of about 15-20 Apple laptops reflecting on blank or concentrated faces. Anyways, it inspired me to write a little of my inner monologue going through my head.

My inner monologue:

"So here I sit. I wonder if I’m a cliché. A walking cliché. Is using the phrase “A walking cliché” a cliché? If it is, I must be such a cliché for using clichés. I think I am a cliché for sure though. If I saw myself sitting here in this café trying to write a screenplay, I’d even call myself a cliché. It’s sad but I do find this, sitting with my latop, this coffee sipping, and blank staring, strangely comfortable and fitting; like a nice pair of corduroys. Yes, I'm pretty sure I am a walking cliché because I’m an aspiring screenwriter sitting in a Los Angeles café with a blank page of script on my laptop screen. I’ve been sitting here for the past forty-five minutes and all I’ve written is “FADE IN:”. That’s not much. Not much at all. This quaint little café is pretty amusing though. I’m sitting around ten other people trying to write the next big movie that will never get made because ninety-nine percent of submitted screenplays are terrible. We’re just a bunch of future failures sitting, drinking overpriced coffee, and leeching off of the free internet here. I wonder how many of us are poor and starving and are actually trying to make a living writing. "Starving artists" as they say. I hope none of us. The coffee is pretty expensive here. So I guess the eleven of us are poor, starving, future failure, walking cliché, caffeine addicts getting our daily fix. And I also guess the attraction of writing in cafés might be the watching of social interactions, and the occasional eavesdropping of conversations. The usual people watching, a free spectator sport. Maybe all of that influences us and goes into our screenplays. Maybe that’s why ninety-nine percent of our screenplays don’t get bought because we put down the usual un-genuine and bland conversations that are common in cafés! Maybe that’s why out of only nine thousand or so current Writer’s Guild members, only half are actually employed at a time! Maybe that’s why most screenwriter’s aren’t famous, or filthy rich! Maybe that’s why people don’t even know the name of the person who wrote the movie their watching! Maybe… My God, I just realized my aspiration of being a successful screenwriter is so extremely far fetched. Selling a screenplay is like winning the fucking lottery after you factor in your competition of waiters/screenwriters, gardeners/screenwriters, janitors/screenwriters, all the graduates of elite film schools around the world that move to Hollywood every year, the former stripper turned successful Oscar winning screenwriter, and etcetera! Am I having a panic attack? What does this all mean? My one dream can go unaccomplished my whole life? No! I have to think positive, practice what that book “The Secret” taught me! Think positive, think positive. I’m not panicking. It must be writer’s block. That’s it. Just some simple writer’s block. What is writer’s block anyways? It’s just a mental obstacle. Just poof it away and climb over it! Think positive! You can do it! That’s right, I’m a writer’s block ninja, baby... Well apparently the caffeine just kicked in."

Finally, I got some writing done. Writing this was pretty fun. And no worries, the despair going on at the end was a bit exaggerated and dramatic. I don't really feel all that worried about my future as a screenwriter. Oh, and I think some of you may have wondered about that "stripper turned successful Oscar winning screenwriter" part. It's true. Diablo Cody - the writer of the movie "Juno".

Sunday, October 4, 2009


Hey inter-webnet. I feel like I should re-introduce myself and give you the low-down-skinny on what I've been up to and what I'm all about now. It really does seem like I lost track of what this blog is supposed to be about. It's gone through some evolutionary stages yes? For a while it was about my nightlife adventures, and then it just got downright depressing after my Lake Tahoe dream trip didn't work out. But no worries though, I've gotten back on track.

Introduction time:

Herro. My name's Brent. I'm 23 years old and I was born and raised here in Los Angeles, CA. I'm sure it's already apparent from my profile picture, but I'm Asian-American. Korean, to be specific. But being raised the way I was and by a single parent (my Aunt) the way she was, I grew up Americanized in every sense of the word. I can barely speak Korean, and can't read or write it. Ordering food in Korean restaurants require a lot of hand signals on my part. Some people tell me it's an unfortunate lack of culture, but I don't see the big deal. It's just natural assimilation to me. Currently, I'm out of school. I should be starting film school in one of the local Cal-States next Fall though. I'm an aspiring screenwriter. I know these days you don't need to go to film school to be a successful screenwriter, but personally, I'd like the official college degree. For myself. Also, I don't think I'm passionate enough about anything else to pursue a degree in it besides writing anyway. So during this whole gap of free time I have until next Fall, I'm sparsely working for my Aunt and her company, and trying to stay productive (and failing) in between. I never grew up with much family, so my friends are for the most part, the most important thing to me.

Well, it's getting kind of scary nowadays with the realization of how I'm 23 years old, a quarter of a century old almost... and of how I don't have much to show for it. Life is looming, and the future seems pretty scary. Everything is in the works, and the process of reach my goals have sort of started, but I have a lot of life to live, and a lot of work cut out for me in this life of mine. I say that because to be successful in a pass/fail kind of industry like Hollywood, is quite an aspiration, and hard to achieve. I'm going to keep up with this however, and chronicle how I grow as a person, my trials and tribulations, and quite possibly, the events leading to success...


A picture taken with me getting caught off guard. A good example of how unsure I feel about my future.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I keep forgetting what blogs are about sometimes. I keep waiting until I have something that I think is profound to say until I post. I gotta quit that.

Monday, September 14, 2009


So yesterday was my birthday. 23 feels no different of course. But Saturday night felt different though. It was awesome...

I had about 12 of my closest friends with me hanging out in our own section of the bar, having drinks, talking, telling jokes, and having an all-around awesome time. It makes me feel really blessed to have so many good quality friends. My best friend Josh used to work at the bar we were at. The Well in Hollywood. A very cool, lounge-y type place. He got a whole corner of the bar, and dare I call it what it's actually called, the "VIP Corner". I'm not really the snazzy, Hollywood, vanity type of guy so I almost don't want to call it what it was. But yeah, we had our own little lounge corner with a seperate booth just for us to get drinks. It was nice. And Josh got the reservation for free with hook-ups. It was just great to have a space of our own to be together. I grew up with half those people. One of my friends, I have known since I was 4 years old! How does that happen?! And he's still one of my closest friends. Josh, I've known since the 3rd grade. And Austin, I've known since kindergarten.

I told everyone there in my drunken haze, but honestly, -- that life is so short when it comes down to it, that we don't have time to waste being around fake people. We don't have time for the bullshit. We only have time to surround ourselves with as many genuine, good people, as you can. There's room for nothing else. I mean as people, it defines us, we are a social being, and we depend on each other for almost everything. It's amazing if you think about it. Well, I told them each personally that I appreciate them, and their presence in my life, and how valuable they are to me. I told them I could recite this whole personal message to them even while sober because I was being completely honest. Isn't that funny when you're drunk you tend to think people don't believe you when you tell them things? It's hilarious because you start to repeat yourself and try to reassure them as much as possible. It becomes of circle of slurred guarantees of honesty.

I guess what I'm trying to say is these are the moments that define your life. Not just a birthday, but just a time around friends, and people who love you. It really shows you how much love there is in the world for you, and personally, it almost defines me as a person. I can take a step back, and try to see it from outside the box and surprise myself of how many people care about me, and truly wish me all the best in life. And it's not even about the amount of people, it's the quality. And I try to surround myself with only good quality, intelligent, down to earth, GENUINE people in my life. I have no time or space for anything less. Saturday night made me truly happy, and gave me a wake up call as to what kind of person I must be with all these great people in my life even giving me the time of day. You know what I mean?

On another note, I'm plowing through my anxiety. I'm really trying to take a passenger seat role with these anxious thoughts and worries that trigger the panic attacks, and trying to just observe and befriend them. It's a technique. It's been working too. It keeps me in the rational part of the brain, and most of the fear is just the fear of having a panic attack. Isn't that crazy? You have a panic attack because you fear having a panic attack. What a circle. I'm just saying I was fine Saturday night. The most anxious I got was when I got home and really figured out how drunk I was. I was pretty drunk. Just the fear of being hungover (aka. dehydrated) the next day triggered some anxious sensations, but I powered through it. It's just going to take practice again. I'll be fine.

Well, I think I've got to make the most of this coming year. You're only 23 once.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Box of Chocolates...

August 10. 2009. It's strange. 10 days from now it'll be one of my closest friend's 23rd birthday. The 13th of next month will be mine. Twenty-three years. That's quite a number. If we lived to a sure age of 100, we could safely say that I have practically lived out a quarter of my life. Yet we can't even say that. I've possibly surpassed the quarter of my life already. Not to be grim though. Just being a little imaginative, and thoughtful of the future and what it holds for me I guess. Life is going by, and I can't stop, pause, or rewind it. It's what I make it for myself, and it feels so big in the scheme of things sometimes. Overwhelming. So much I want to do, want to be, but that damn clock hangs on the wall of our lives ticking away without fail or exhaustion. Am I wasting time? Am I making the most of it? I think this whole world can use a little more. A little more time to accomplish what we need to, to make who we are, to really take our time and never have to wonder if it's too late. Time to just define ourselves in some way or another. I fear sometimes I won't make/leave a mark. People say our children are probably the greatest accomplishments of our lives. That's scary too. As you can see all around us, there are a lot of people that make living harder than it already is.

I think the society we live in makes it inherently hard to live and be happy at the same time. I think the best we can do to leave our mark is to make living a little bit easier for everybody else in our own way. Some people go off to war, die in a foreign land, and are never able to say that they've lived out a quarter of their potential life, just so we can go on living our own and say that we have. The world is so big sometimes, that we never notice these individual tragedies, or think about it often. Isn't that the nature of life though? I mean it's not like we can stop our own because of the tragedy of another. We have to go on don't we? The clock keeps ticking for the rest of us. That's why I think sometimes, that in my choice of work, to potentially spend my life doing, to be a writer, to be creative, --sometimes I fear that I won't be able to do enough, or make a significant mark. But I guess if I can make someone feel/forget/be entertained/be happy/laugh, for about an hour and a half of their life, just sitting there eating popcorn; I've made a small difference. I think that's all we can ever hope to do... make a small difference in making the world, and the people around us, happier.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Suit up!...

Howdy blog. It's been a busy week. But it's been a good-busy. Busy enough to keep from being bored, but not enough to be stressful or annoying.

The wood shapes fit...
I finally feel like things are set in place. It's like that toy from when we were toddlers, where you put the wooden shapes in the correct places. The past 5 years or so, the triangle piece was crammed in the circle hole. It's now in the correct triangle hole. -"That's what she said!"- . But seriously now, it feels nice. It all begins with my transfer and acceptance to the film writing program at Cal State Northridge. I'm all set to start there and learn my craft. And to be at this point, it feels great. It's like I'm finally on track. The only thing is, I'm also at the point where I want to get my life and goals re-focused -- I want to take a break from school. I want to do this snowboarding trip to Lake Tahoe this winter, for sure this time -- and start the film program next fall instead. That's the plan...

Billy's Wedding...
Tonight, I'll make the drive up the California Coast for my cousin Billy's Saturday wedding near San Luis Obispo in Avila Beach. I love the area up there. He and his brother, also named Brent, grew up in the Pismo Beach area. They grew up in the whole late 80's, early 90's surf, and punk era. Needless to say, they're my kind of guys to hang out with. I never had any siblings growing up, so my friends are extra important to me in replacement and my cousins are the closest thing to brothers I have. Since Brent is now married with a toddler, and Billy is now getting married, I won't have much to do tonight when I go up the coast. I'll be near Avila beach though. So I guess I'll look up some cool nightlife spot there on and have a drink. It's not so bad to go to a bar alone is it? We'll see. I'll be sure to take some pictures at the wedding.

Suit up!
So for the wedding, I bought myself a suit. And I mean a really nice, good quality suit. My first one in fact. I've never owned a suit before. There just never came a need really. This one was pretty expensive though. I'm pretty sensible with finances, but I see the value in buying good quality things, especially clothes. I got myself a Zegna suit. I picked it up yesterday from the tailor, and it looks pretty awesome on me. I should get it altered a little bit more though, there's still room for adjustment to the slim-fitting look I want. I'm pretty proud of the suit. Barney Stinson from the most awesome, legendary, CBS tv show "How I Met Your Mother" would be proud. Barney, I "Suited up!" Barney Stinson in Action

Batting Cages...
In the past two weeks, I've been hitting at the batting cages almost every night. It's been great to get my swing and skills back. One of my top regrets in my short life of 22 years was quitting baseball in high school. If I stuck with it, even in my high school's under-funded, shitty baseball program, I would've played for a college at the least. Oh well. It just feels good to see how even after all these years I've maintained the bulk of skill I used to have. Hitting and doing it with good form is pretty satisfying for the soul. I guess it's like golf in a way. You practice and practice until your swing is perfect, and it turns into a self-satisfying game. Just trying to best your best.

Well after this weekend, next week will be pretty busy. I'll be heading up to San Francisco for 5 days to see a couple friends. Should be a great time. I'll tell you as it happens.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


Hey blog. Sorry I've ignored you for the past few months, it wasn't anything personal. I should be updating you regularly from now on.
Why was I gone for so long you ask?
Well it's simple really. I've been sort of jaded by the misfortunes and mishappenings of life. No depressing sob stories, but... more like boredom and plain, unhappiness in the "big-picture" scheme of things.
What do I mean by that?
I mean by how I just haven't been happy with what I'm doing. The whole school thing, not actually learning what I want, and well, I guess this should explain things:
I sometimes see certain friends that I haven't seen in a short while, let's say a couple weeks. They then ask me "So Brent, what have you been up too?" My usual answer 9 out of 10 times is, "Oh you know, same shit - different day."
Get it now? Yeah, I know right?

I want to start fresh with everything. And I mean everything. This coming winter, I will, surely this time, uproot myself and plant myself in Lake Tahoe for the winter. I will be taking a break from school, no matter if I have to apply again and wait to attend for a year. After September, I'll be 23. Which means when I go back to school, I will be graduating from college at age 26. If I choose to get a Master's I'll finish that by age 28. Do I really want to use up these years? It's like using up all your quarters for one mediocre game out of a whole arcade. Well that's my inner conflict. Up to this point, I have been totally content with how much time I was taking to get through school. I'm a unique person, I've been through unique life events that have changed my path more than the average person. I was okay with it. Until now. I feel stagnant. -"That's what she said!" Just kidding. Seriously. I'm going to get things going again. This blog even, will be fresh. I have the whole point of the blog pretty focused now. It's about Me. Before, I was a little too self-conscious of what I wrote, and how I wrote. I guess because I knew it was read by a few people I know. I also think it was because I didn't want to sound dumb, or like a bad writer. But I realize I don't need to prove my intelligence and ability to anyone. This is a blog, not a literary sample.

So blog, I've been lonely lately. As you know, I've never been in a long-term relationship in my adult life. Age 22 turning on 23. That too. Socially retarded? Nope. I've just been a work in progress after a few laggy moments in high school with major life events and all. I've made some major transformations in just the past few years, so my friends and I know to cut me some slack about the whole lack-of-relationships deal. But what I have experienced recently was the possibility of a casual, physical relationship and it made me realize something. It didn't work out too well as she was pretty neurotic, insecure, and self-sabotaging. But what it did do for me was give me a taste. You know, a taste of that feeling of someone else sleeping in your bed, keeping you company. Someone you could lean on. It was nice. It filled that loneliness void I usually filled with time spent with friends. And it filled that void a lot nicer than hang time with the guys did. I can see it now. The ongoing cycle of casual sex, and short physical relationships. I'm so close to fitting that description. It's not a bad thing... I think it's just natural when you're single, and alone. You fill the loneliness when and with who you can like a drug until you find one that's different and special. Even as a guy, for me, I don't even think it's about the need for sex, it's just a need to be with someone, to fill that void.

Friday, March 20, 2009


So I've figured it out. Without going to the extent of calling it "depression" -- and no I'm not talking about America's economy, I'm talking about my "disappointment". I've allowed myself some personal reflection time instead of avoiding it in all this boredom I'm experiencing, and it's come out -- negatively. Just as I thought, and the exact reason I was avoiding it. I've come to realize how disappointed I am with how things in life go. Does it mean I have a totally negative outlook for my future? No. I'm too self-aware and confident for that to happen. I just realize that there are several disappointments in my life that I now have to acknowledge and address accordingly.

Intro: I have become self aware of my abilities. My arsenal of talents/faults. I know what I'm good at and what I'm not. Having this knowledge makes me a confident person, and confident in myself, which is a very good thing.

1. One of my biggest regrets is quitting baseball in my sophomore year of high school. I had natural talent, and I could've gone far in the sport. I would've at least played in college. Where am I now? Nowhere with the sport. But I've accepted it because even if I were able to go back in time, with all the other things going on around me at that specific time period of my life, I wouldn't have been able to succeed. A LOT of things were going on in my life at that particular time, including the death of my father.

2. I wasted too much time, specifically my later teenage years, not being confident in myself. This was due to a lot of things, including issues with self appearance, being about 40-50 pounds overweight -- after quitting baseball. Being down on my self confidence put me in a rut where I didn't do anything to change myself. It took a long time until I recovered to my regular physical self -- and my confidence literally shot back up to the level it should've been. I just regret how much time was wasted with me being so down on myself and insecure.

3. I am disappointed with the failure of my Tahoe trip. The trip meant a ton to me as it would culminate some maturity in my life -- being on my own and such, and initiate some seriousness into my writing. Specifically, it'd be putting me in an environment where there would be nothing else to do but enjoy myself snowboarding, writing, and developing my writing skill.

-Now that I have some of these written down where I can self-examine myself and my predicament, it should help me "overcome" these regrets and feel better about it. The struggle is actually letting myself examine the problems and let myself feel the onslaught of the feelings they trigger. It should help me though.

...That reminds me. I'm thinking about getting my first tattoo. Maybe I should just say "I'm thinking about getting a tattoo", because "getting my first..." sort of implies there will be more to come. I don't know about that. Let's see how the experience goes in the first place and we'll see.
I'm thinking about getting the latin phrase "Luctor et emergo" tattooed on the inside of my left forearm. The phrase roughly means "I struggle/wrestle but I survive/emerge". I saw the phrase in a book once, and I liked it. I looked it up online, and saw it was an extremely common phrase to get tattooed -- which should've been a turn off, but it wasn't. Why? Because the phrase actually has a strong, personal meaning to me. I would have it so if I were to raise my hand in front of my face, I could read the phrase, as in the words would be upright and readable - only to me. It would also on the inside of my forearm -- in place for me to see, and mean only for me to see. I don't care if other people can't read it, for it being upside down for them, the phrase and message would be meant for me. It's also on my weaker hand, the left. The phrase has meaning, simply because I have gone through so much in my life, a lot of negative things, and yet -- here I am, a well-balanced, confident, individual, still alive and breathing, trying to live his life to the fullest.

Help me choose. Which one looks nicer to you? Let's just name them "Top" and "Bottom" accordingly:

Sunday, February 22, 2009

A Writing: "How I remember"...

These are chunks from a short story I wrote in Spring 2008 for a creative writing class. Nothing special, but I just like looking back on what I've written in the past. My writing always evolves and changes. I wrote this short story very straightforward without as much prose, or "creative" prose I guess you could say. Also, you might notice I go from naming my friend to not naming him in some parts -- that's due to different edits and how I seperated the pieces of the story. It's called "How I remember my friend ______" I only posted the most interesting chunks of the story:

...I remember, when we were six years old, my old Irish Uncle used to take us across the street to the park every day. Those days might be the most vivid of memories I have. My Uncle would teach us things I imagined only kids growing up in the country or on farms would be taught. Skills that were rare to learn or even use in metropolitan Los Angeles. Skills such as climbing trees with rope and using the correct climbing knots, making home-made slingshots, home-made bow and arrows, and even home-made fishing poles. They were all made from sticks and things we found in the park. Not to say he only taught us six-year olds how to make home-made weapons, but he taught us the usual All-American things too. All-American things like how to throw a baseball correctly, how to throw a curveball, how to ride a bike, how to use tools, and a lot more. He even taught us to shoot BB-guns. Cary and I were pretty good shots. Now that I think of it, maybe my Uncle did only teach us weaponry. He was a war vet that earned multiple Purple-Heart medals, so maybe that would explain it. He was definitely “old-school”. Back then, the park didn’t have security, so no one bothered us. I’m thinking we just looked like two innocent kids playing with their old six foot-five Grandfather anyway. The funny thing was, I remember people we met at the park would always assume that Cary was his grandson. I can’t really blame them though. If I saw us, we would be one old white man, one six year old white kid, and one six year old Asian kid. Who would have thought the old white man was actually my Uncle, and that I, the Asian kid, was his nephew. I remember the feeling of getting tar stuck on my hands as we stuck sticks into the puddles of tar that bubbled up from the park ground. The park was built around natural tar pits and the tar would sometimes bubble up in random places. I remember how my Uncle would take us to the park’s hot dog stand and buy us each a chili dog with sauerkraut. Every time, like clockwork, after he bought us the hotdogs, he would always say something semi-racist about Germans and how they were good for nothing, but had came up with the delicious food that was sauerkraut. Cary, my Uncle, and I would sit on one of those old-fashioned benches that had about thirty years worth of layers of paint on it, and eat...

...The most vivid of memories I have though, were the conversations he and I would have lying under our favorite climbing tree. The rope we used to climb the tree with would dangle above our heads and we would take turns swapping at it as we talked. The sweet smelling tobacco smoke from my Uncle's smoldering pipe would drift our way with the breeze from the bench he was sitting on. The day's temperature would be perfect. Not too warm, and not too cold. The setting sun would be in our west, shining and warming our youthful, innocent faces, and the slight, cool, breeze would part our messy hair. The grass under us would tickle and make our bare arms itch. We would talk of the differences and the consistencies of certain boogers, such as the sharp, dry ones, that would hurt the inside of your nose, to the gooey soft ones that you could roll into a ball and flick. We talked of which of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the best, (Leonardo was by the way), of how girls were disgusting and strangely attractive in some foreign and unknown way at the same time, and of course, how stinky farts could be, or not be. We grew up together. We were best friends. We were like brothers...

...His last wish said it all. He wanted his ashes to be poured into the stream of the park we grew up playing in...

...It’s strange now that I think back on it. I’m not sad over his death anymore...

...I just wish sometimes that I went with him. That he needed me to experience what he did with him instead of needing to do it alone. There would then be two sets of footprints in the snow instead of one. When I start to daydream about what could’ve been, I just look back at my six year old son climbing the same tree Cary and I grew up climbing. The tree’s a little darker brown than I remember. The weather’s still perfect. The slight breeze makes the branches above my son’s head sway slowly. The dark, orange, sun is setting and tinting everything in an orange glow. My hot dog wrapper flies away in the breeze and I’m too relaxed to chase it. I’ll get it on the way to the car.

Written Spring 2008.

Comments and Suggestions Welcome.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dipped my toes...

So I'm ready to dive in now. After dipping my toes in the pool of snowboarding last Wednesday, I've already been planning to go again this Thursday. A trip every week would be ideal. In fact, I found out a girl I know is going up by herself also on Thursday and we now have plans to meet up.
Last Wednesday was a good day. I took my time getting up there, leaving at about 10 AM. Surprisingly, it only took me about an hour and fifteen minutes to get there. Very fast. For the first run, I took it pretty mellow just to get the muscle memory and the rhythm of the carving back. From then on, I was blazing down the black diamond runs as fast as I could. After only a couple hours though, a storm started to roll in and engulfed the whole top of the mountain with essentially... a cloud. I couldn't see at all, and visibility was diminishing even on the lower parts of the mountain as the storm came in completely. By then it was time to call it a day. So all in all, it was a decent day of riding, and hopefully Thursday will have clear, and blue skies all day.

Here are some pics of last Wednesday's trip taken with my new blackberry(surprisingly very good quality pics for a phone!):

Storm started to roll in...

Couldn't see diddly...

More pics to come from Thursday.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Remember what Capt. Jack Sparrow said at the end of the film "Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl"?

"Bring me that horizon!"

That's a good line. Apparently Johnny Depp was adlibing and improvised that on the spot. It stuck. As it should've.

Well, at the moment, there's not much going on in my horizon. I'm just slowly drifting along in my raft that I'd like to upgrade into a yacht one day after I sell a few major hit movie screenplays.

Things in my horizon:
1. Look for a job (pretty hard at the moment).
2. Spring semester starts Feb. 18th.
3. Snowboarding on Wednesday(tomorrow)?

The snowboarding would be the best off the list. The thing about snowboarding at the moment is that I'm almost turned off by it. Ever since Tahoe was cancelled, I almost have had no urge to go. I almost don't think it's worth going to these local ski resorts if it's not Lake Tahoe. I say that because you have to understand that Lake Tahoe is literally, ski-paradise. The conditions(especially after these storms that came in), the scenery, the city, everything about it is awesome. I mean, have you seen the pictures of Tahoe from my previous posts? Gorgeoussssss place. Here's an analogy to help you understand how I feel:

Analogy of the day: Being promised a brand new Ferrari... and getting a used 1990 Honda Civic instead.

Not bashing on any 1990 Civic owners out there, I'm just saying. You understand... right?

So I guess in a way I'm looking forward to getting up and riding somewhere at least a few times this season. I'm almost forcing myself to go. I think I need a day to myself like this. I have so much passion for it, so why isn't it coming out? Maybe after I dip my toes in the proverbial pool, I'll feel like diving in.

I'll take some pictures.

Monday, January 26, 2009

spare some CHANGE?...

So I recieved this message on myspace from a friend recently, "i havent been up to much just school and working. what about you, now what since no tahoe?"

What a good question... I have to ask myself the same thing now too. It's been a few weeks, and for the most part, I've been doing the same ol' - same ol' thing. During the same ol' thing though, there are times where I feel extremely disappointed. I was looking forward to the trip for the past year, and it was a very important trip to me personally. I would've be on my own, in a city I didn't know, around people I didn't know, and have a lot of time for myself. All the while -- I would've been in the middle of a snowboarding paradise. Snowboarding is right up there in the top 3 passions and enjoyments in my life. Maybe my being "extremely disappointed" = slightly depressed. I'll get over it soon, but it's just weird how I planned out certain things for the next two months and it's simply not happening.

I've just been working, and hanging out mostly. I need another job.

I also need some CHANGE. Whenever I find myself in a rut like this... doing something new, or changing things around really helps. Tahoe would've done this for me. But now I figure, I need to do these: I need to find another job, start hitting the gym again, play soccer again, and write more. For the e-nerds - I'm basically like a backed-up computer with spyware that's become slow and I need to reformat and start fresh.

I guess this turned into a New Year's Resolution post. Funny how that happened:

1. Start going to the gym again. Build some more muscle.
2. Play soccer again.
3. Find a new job.
4. Write more.
5. Make time to see old friends more often.
6. Make myself happy.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Honesty Scrap Award...

So a fellow blogger and reader Penpusher has given me the Honesty Scrap Award. Apparently in the blogger world, this is given to people who write honestly in their blogs. Cool beans. I guess it's true if I think about it for a bit. What I write here is pretty honest, even when it makes me look "bad" in a certain way. But no worries, these are my thoughts and personal events, and I don't mind how they are judged.

Since I am awarded this, I have to write 10 very honest things about myself, and then pass on the award to 7 other blogs that are worthy:
1. I am ambitious. I think I can do and have the ability to do whatever I want in this world. There are so many things I want, see, and experience. I'm going to do it all.
2. People underestimate me. Always. But that's okay with me. I always show them what's up in the end.
3. Insecure. Who isn't in ways? Overall I'm very confident with myself, but there are always those lingering doubts.
4. I always need improvement. There are a lot of things I would change about myself. I think that's what life is all about. Trying to improve yourself, conditions, life, every single day. What are we progressing to anyways right? (Life) x (Improvement) = Happiness? Busting out the Asian math wizardry!
5. I suck at Math. Despite my Asian heritage, I utterly despise Mathematics. I can learn it just fine, but do I have the patience to do and learn it? No. Which makes me suck at it. And I'm fine with it.
6. Procrastinator. Big time. I'll put off everything until the last minute. I learned the phrase "Last minute" from my Aunt who mentioned it when I was 10. I've mastered procrastinating during the past 12 years since then.
7. Afraid. Afraid of a lot of things. Not the boogie man, or any of that, just afraid of the unknown. The future that lies ahead for me. The unsure, unstable, unpredictable events of the future. What will I be? Who will I become? What will I do... Maybe that's why I procrastinate. To put off the unknown until it has to be absolutely necessary.
8. Lonely. If I met me, I wouldn't think this of me at all. But yep. I get lonely sometimes. For as much of a social person I am, and having all the great and close friends that I do, and doing all the social things with them that I do, I still feel lonely at times. I can probably attribute this to the lack of a girlfriend.
9. Angry. Another one people wouldn't think of me. But yes, sadly its true. Been through a lot in my life, (people can't really tell that either)a lot of unfair things, so I do have a lot of anger inside. But life isn't very fair is it?
10. Friends = Family. I never grew up around tons of family like other people. No family reunions, no family camaraderie, no real large number of family around. They either live across the country, another country, or 5 hours away. So my friends are my family. I feel like I might be one of the most loyal guys to be friends with. Once you're in my mental list of friends, you don't have much to worry about with me. You'll have a reliable, trustworthy, brother, friend, by your side.

So now my turn to give out the award. I hope whoever I give it to didn't already do it. My list of blogs I read are pretty small to start with...

Honesty Award goes too:

(If you already recieved one, no need to do it. Then the award means... I appreciate reading your honest words)

Lilly Holiday
Healthy Lindsay
We'll All Float On
Musings(awesome poetry)
ChunksOfReality(I think one of the most honest)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Windows and Dreams...

It's weird seeing one of your dreams crushed. It's only a dream... something that hasn't happened yet, or never will... But to see it fly out the window, never to happen, is a soul-crushing feeling. Dreams and aspirations are a deep part of your soul, it's what you want. What you desire, and BAM. It's gone.

My Lake Tahoe trip isn't happening.

I've dreamed of and planned this trip for the past year, and it simply won't become a reality. It's very disappointing to say in the extreme least. It's quite crushing actually.

A facebook event named "Brent's going away party" will now be cancelled, temporary depression will ensue, and countless explanations to questioning friends will... be countlessly explained, and an embarrassment-saving fib will be told.

Hmm. I have this blog linked in my facebook profile that I should really take down. The reason being, that I realize now I speak of some personal things that my actual friends don't really need to know about. Well, they should in a way since they are friends, but not in the frequency and in as much detail that I put things in here. I want to be a little more selective with my personal events. But for the intrawebnetters out there, I guess you all are my outlet. For the facebook event I invited 40+ actual friends to... they're going to get a slightly different story of the reasons for the cancellation of the "epic personal snowboarding/fun/snowboarding vacation" I was supposed to be taking. They're going to get the "Things didn't work out with the place I was supposed to stay in" explanation.

In actuality, getting a place wasn't the main problem. Parental-"kid" politics were. And yep at age 22, this shouldn't happen. Parental power plays were made, stubborness ensued on my part, and my aunt's, finances, and sleeping schedules, were brought up. For all the love we have for our parents, we all experience the most heinous bullshit coming from their shovels sometimes. Am I blaming the crushing of one of my top 3 aspirations in life on my Aunt? Of course not, and of course I will get over it. But lot's of PROMISES and things shouldn't have been made or said in the first place.

This reinforces the feeling I've had since the early years of teenage life: Expectations... should be kept at a minimum until it ACTUALLY happens. No matter how much you/people talk about something happening... I never expect much until it does. It saves me from disappointment. Because with all the "life" that happens, a lot of shit happens too.

Wow. The next two months look insanely bleak now since nothing's going to change. All of the thoughts/fantasies/images of what I would be doing for the next two months... simply aren't going to happen. It's almost surreal. Like it's not real, but sadly it is, and what a sad reality that is. It almost makes me feel sick. Like something that drops to the pit of my stomach.

On a happier note in contrast to my totally depressing blog post...

I think I have fallen in love with her: