Saturday, November 8, 2008

Booze and Cigarettes... Life.

I'm always inspired to write after a night out on the town. Maybe it's the booze and cigarettes, or maybe it's me channeling Bukowski. Either way, it's a bad habit. I should resist writing only when I have gone out and had a few drinks and smoked some cancer sticks. I'm not a smoker, just "on the weekends". Doesn't that sound lame? It does... but people use it, and I do also.

So I went out on the town in Manhattan Beach. Several miles south of Santa Monica Beach. It was only about a 15 minute drive, but far away nonetheless. Dios mio! I forgot what I was going to post about. I spent about a thought and a half figuring out that Bukowski bit above and I completely lost track of my main point... Shit. I'm still trying to figure it out...

Oh yeah! This deserves a completely new paragraph simply because it took me about a minute to get back on track. My life:

My life consists of events that I'd like to think contribute to who I am and who I become. Maybe not even "what I think". It's simply true. All I'm trying to say is that my goals in life are too:

1. Experience everything I can.
2. See everything I can.
3. Be completely Genuine and "Me" while doing it.
4. Be happy.

I have said this line so many times in writings and in my journal, but it's worth saying again because it's a tasty tidbit grouping of words: "I want to be THAT old man. You know, THAT GUY in the room, on his death bed, surrounded by loved ones, and younger people. THAT GUY in the room who is totally content with how he spent his life, and how he lived it. THAT GUY who is totally HAPPY with himself, and his life, and what it meant. THAT GUY who knows he influenced other people and affected their lives in a positive way somehow. THAT GUY who changed society for the better somehow, even in the most miniscule way... and THAT GUY who is ultimately happy - On his death bed." THAT is the guy I want to be.

...So I guess what I'm saying is, or getting to, are two Charles Bukowski quotes that I agree with wholeheartedly:

"The nine-to-five is one of the greatest atrocities sprung upon mankind. You give your life away to a function that doesn't interest you. This situation so repelled me that I was driven to drink, starvation, and mad females, simply as an alternative."
-Charles Bukowski

"This is a world where everybody’s gotta do something. Ya know, somebody laid down this rule that everybody’s gotta do something, they gotta be something. You know, a dentist, a glider pilot, a narc, a janitor, a preacher, all that... Sometimes I just get tired of thinking of all the things that I don’t wanna do. All the things that I don’t wanna be. Places I don’t wanna go, like India, like getting my teeth cleaned. Save the whale, all that, I don’t understand that..."
-Charles Bukowski

-Two of his more famous quotes. What these quotes mean to me is simply this: Yes, really. Who is to say that we are supposed to follow some pre-determined structure and format in our lives? In American society, we are expected to get good grades in high school - Get into a 'Good' College - Graduate and Get a 'Good' job - Make lots of money - and be "Happy". Who says you have to do it that way? What about all of your little dreams and aspirations? Surely your 'Work' can't be it. When are you ever going to have time to do all the things you want with a 9 to 5 right out of College? Experience/See the things you want? While you're still young? In your prime? You can't! Pretty soon a family will come about, and responsibilites will be stacked on top of each other. I don't think life should be played out that way.

I'm going to do things my way, and take my time doing it. Because in that time I take, I will be experiencing LIFE itself. And seeing LIFE as it happens. Not while driving by it on my way to my 9 to 5. Not witnessing things behind a windshield and strapped down by a seatbelt while stuck in LA traffic. But in it. Living it. Because I have Complete confidence in the End, that I will be successful in what I want to do, and I will be "fine". I will have lived life the way I wanted to, and feel good that I did it in my own way. Self-satisfaction. Satisfied with how I spent my life.

-This leads me to my next post about me moving to Lake Tahoe, California for the winter. All by my lonesome.


Rhaingel said...

Wow. 'twas a very sensible post. Though it's a bit long, it's worth all the read. I love the paragraph about THAT OLD MAN. It's something that everyone wishes and you said it perfectly. I am looking forward to your next posts. Very manly :)

saveyoursoul said...

I absolutely love your goals in life. It's so nice to see someone say "experience everything I can" instead of "see the statue of liberty" or "go to Italy"

i heart your blog :)

saveyoursoul said...

The boy is colorful- I'll give him that and intense.. which is what keeps me going back. Thanks for the comment. Keep writing, I love to read.